My experience is however based on listening, not through the forums, but at home in the same room and conditions.
I was the same. Since I had spent a considerable amount with dealers they were always happy to let me borrow kit for evaluation. Generally I did this by listening to music I usually listened to over a period of a couple of weeks at home.
About 10 years ago I decided I "needed" a DAC capable of decoding high(er) res files than the CD and DAT files I had been listening to.
I had a home loan of a Linn Klimax DS and Resolution Audio Cantata, amongst others.
I decided to do an accurately level matched direct comparison at one stage, rather than just listening over time. When I did this I found that any differences I had thought I heard were imagined. There was no way I could tell the Linn from the Resolution Audio, or my existing kit (on CD) or the DAC part of a digital recorder.
I was surprised not to hear a difference, though the specs of the kit suggested I shouldn't the general opinion of hifi enthusiasts insisted that I should.
Anyway, I ended up buying the Resolution Audio, more for its flexibility and styling than performance, since I still (thought I) needed a higher resolution DAC.
Not long afterwards I listened at home to a Devialet D-Premier and bought it, so the Cantata was a short lived extravagance that now only gets infrequent use in my bedroom...
Anyway, I am not surprised you didn't like the PS Audio but I am surprised you notice a difference between Totaldac and RME (I have the RME in my office) since, despite its weak performance, I am not confident it is bad enough for me to hear in a level matched direct comparison.