A Call For Humor!

[Boris Badinov]

 

[Boris Badinov]

 

[Martin]

I’m not going to say who… but a friend just called and asked if I would loan her $1300 to help her pay rent. Those who know me know I’m always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I could call her, another friend called and told me not to give her the money because she was lying. He went on to say that the real reason she wanted the money was to get her boyfriend out of jail so they could be under the same roof for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the money anyway, because we could all use a little help at times.

A couple of hours later I get a call from the police station. It was her, crying, screaming, asking why I would give her counterfeit money.

My response… So that you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday.

 

[fivepast8]

I’m not going to say who… but a friend just called and asked if I would loan her $1300 to help her pay rent. Those who know me know I’m always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I could call her, another friend called and told me not to give her the money because she was lying. He went on to say that the real reason she wanted the money was to get her boyfriend out of jail so they could be under the same roof for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the money anyway, because we could all use a little help at times.

A couple of hours later I get a call from the police station. It was her, crying, screaming, asking why I would give her counterfeit money.

My response… So that you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday.

Wow, that is such a touching story, sooo much love... I have never been loved like that. I don't think that any of the ladies I dated in the past 50 years would ever do something like that. They tend to be lawyers, doctors or therapists and I am pretty sure, if in jail, they'd rather see me rot under the jail roof than spend my birthday under their bed covers. Do you still have her number?

 

[Waxx]

 

[Pegwill]

 

[Martin]

 

[Suffolkhifinut]

A business man looks at an invoice made by his new secretary and can’t make head nor tails of it.
He calls her in the office and asks “ If if gave you $20000 minus 14%, what would you take off?”
“Everything but my earrings,”

 

[mhardy6647]

I’m not going to say who… but a friend just called and asked if I would loan her $1300 to help her pay rent. Those who know me know I’m always willing to help out friends and family. I told her to give me some time to think about it and I would call her back. Before I could call her, another friend called and told me not to give her the money because she was lying. He went on to say that the real reason she wanted the money was to get her boyfriend out of jail so they could be under the same roof for his birthday.

I thought about it for a minute and decided to give her the money anyway, because we could all use a little help at times.

A couple of hours later I get a call from the police station. It was her, crying, screaming, asking why I would give her counterfeit money.

My response… So that you and your boyfriend could be under the same roof for his birthday.

You roped me in with this one...
You know, I heard that the word gullible isn't found in the OED. I'm gonna check in a minute & I'll keep y'all posted!

 

[Waxx]

 

[Boris Badinov]

 

[mhardy6647]

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.
They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.

The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading and sent him on his way.

The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.
Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...
Only this time there were two people on the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said,

"Do anything you want to me, but my wife is on the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

credit where credit's due: https://www.audioasylum.com/members/mgeneral/messages/52/525851.html
Victor is the honcho of BAT (Balanced Audio Technology) as some of you may know

 

[Ageve]

 

[Jas0_0]

 

[Ageve]

 

[jkasch]

 

[jkasch]

 

[digitalfrost]

 

[Waxx]

 

[jkasch]

Three ladies are playing the 4th hole at a members-only country club when a naked man, wearing a bag over his head, jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies look and are in shock at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says "Well... he definitely is NOT my husband!"

The second lady looks at his manhood and says "He for sure is not MY husband!"

The third lady takes a good look and says "He's not even a member of this club!"