wgscott
Active Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2016
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I've been trying, really hard. I've come up with a partial list, but if you have further suggestions, please help!
(1) Choose an audio file format (24/480, DSD-HQX, GCQ-WTF, etc.) and be a total dick about it. Refuse to listen to any music not available in your chosen format.
(2) Make at least one claim that involves a palpably absurd physical impossibility, post this claim in every thread on every audio forum website, and develop a huge persecution complex whenever the people you relentlessly stalk have the temerity to call your claim into question.
(3) Sell redundant organs like a kidney or eyeball (or ear?) to raise more cash for your next purchase of a new DAC that can play your chosen format (see #1) and that a reviewer on the take has stated punches above its veil-lifting potential.
(4) Display your cables like jewelry. After all, you paid DeBeers Cartel prices for those things. An invisible wad of cable spaghetti in a corner cabinet is not what this hobby is all about.
(5) Be totally obsessive about everything. Your compatriots/competitors in the hobby will think you are more bad-ass if your audiophile compulsive delusions precipitate a divorce. She will get the house, but you will get a new place with a dedicated listening room.
(6) Claim to be discovering new physics. Those boys at CERN don't really know what they are talking about. New physics can be discovered by any late middle-aged bald guy with a liberal arts degree and a Zerostat from the comfort of his listening room chair.
(7) Never use DSP or room correction software to alter the sound quality. The only acceptable options for adjusting the sound quality is via USB cables, speaker cables, and component interconnects. Note that the only acceptable direction for adjustment is up, as in a more expensive price tag for the USB cable, speaker cable, or component interconnect, which is synonymous with "sounds better."
(8) The only output control worthy of an audiophile is the volume knob. The volume control can never operate in the digital domain, because, as an audiophile, you recognize that digital is fundamentally and demonstrably evil ipso facto, regardless of how much bit depth is present to prevent dynamic compression. A staticy analogue potentiometer, however, adds character.
(1) Choose an audio file format (24/480, DSD-HQX, GCQ-WTF, etc.) and be a total dick about it. Refuse to listen to any music not available in your chosen format.
(2) Make at least one claim that involves a palpably absurd physical impossibility, post this claim in every thread on every audio forum website, and develop a huge persecution complex whenever the people you relentlessly stalk have the temerity to call your claim into question.
(3) Sell redundant organs like a kidney or eyeball (or ear?) to raise more cash for your next purchase of a new DAC that can play your chosen format (see #1) and that a reviewer on the take has stated punches above its veil-lifting potential.
(4) Display your cables like jewelry. After all, you paid DeBeers Cartel prices for those things. An invisible wad of cable spaghetti in a corner cabinet is not what this hobby is all about.
(5) Be totally obsessive about everything. Your compatriots/competitors in the hobby will think you are more bad-ass if your audiophile compulsive delusions precipitate a divorce. She will get the house, but you will get a new place with a dedicated listening room.
(6) Claim to be discovering new physics. Those boys at CERN don't really know what they are talking about. New physics can be discovered by any late middle-aged bald guy with a liberal arts degree and a Zerostat from the comfort of his listening room chair.
(7) Never use DSP or room correction software to alter the sound quality. The only acceptable options for adjusting the sound quality is via USB cables, speaker cables, and component interconnects. Note that the only acceptable direction for adjustment is up, as in a more expensive price tag for the USB cable, speaker cable, or component interconnect, which is synonymous with "sounds better."
(8) The only output control worthy of an audiophile is the volume knob. The volume control can never operate in the digital domain, because, as an audiophile, you recognize that digital is fundamentally and demonstrably evil ipso facto, regardless of how much bit depth is present to prevent dynamic compression. A staticy analogue potentiometer, however, adds character.
