Getting a stubborn old man to use a hearing aid!

[DanielT]

These stubborn old men. I'm visiting my parents. We watch the Vasaloppet on TV. My dad has started to get bad hearing, not so much hearing loss (yet) but still. My mother and I have pointed this out and said that he should have his hearing checked and get a hearing aid. BUT he is too stubborn and refuses to have his hearing checked.
This despite the fact that we told him that it is a bit annoying to have to raise our voice when we talk.

You may have had discussions similar to this one:
Me: Dad, you need a hearing aid
Dad: Huh?
I said: YOU NEED ....
Dad: Well, what kind of talk is that I hear well. I hear what I want to hear.
Me: You are 82 years old, it is completely natural and it is annoying that we need to raise our voices.

I understand that it's sad that things get worse over the years and you don't want to face the facts, but damn 82 years old and otherwise in good health. Why this stubborn resistance to hearing aids! I don't know if you guys have any solutions for that. It's mostly about psychology and personality, family dynamics and so on so it may not be that easy to give concrete advice.

Vasaloppet (Swedish for 'the Vasa-race') is an annual long distance cross-country ski race held on the first Sunday of March. The 90 km (56 mi) course starts in the village of Berga, just south of Sälen in western Dalarna, Sweden, and ends in the town of Mora in the central part of the province. It is the oldest cross-country ski race in the world, as well as the one with the highest number of participants.

Vasaloppet - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[Keith_W]

Just refuse to raise your voice when you speak to him.

 

[DanielT]

It will be a psychological game today. Deep down, he probably understands the situation. He probably just wants to be the one in control and says himself:
Now I'm going to check my hearing.

He doesn't like being told what to do. Which I can understand.

 

[ZolaIII]

Well you best know your dad. Certainly there whose something he liked to listen or watch. You should try to suggest him (don't be too much persistent) how it would be much better that he try with a hearing aid help. As this is popular this day's there are lot of phone apps for iOS/Android with hearing test and all to use with headphones of course. So if he agrees that's the way to get him to try it in the comfort zone of his home and without doctors. Later when and if he agrees go to audiologist and get a proper hearing aid.

 

[BenjaminB]

Well, there is one thing you can say:
Hearing loss which is not countered with hearing aid leads to some isolation from others - the one with bad hearing simply doesn't hear everything and gets more and more disconnected from others.
Unfortunately, there are indications of such social isolation accelerates dementia.

No, I have no references, links or whatever. Been told this by more than one, however.

In Sweden it most often hearing aids are subsidized by government. See to that he gets digital ones, they are very good. Actually, these can be used with mobile phones in a very good way. Many of these have many interesting features ... these may be interesting for your dad.

And then .... in this community, should you really complaining about stubborn old men

//BB

 

[Blumlein 88]

I've a few younger friends in their mid-40's. And worked with such people. Amazingly they will not use reading glasses. They'll buy them, they might have them lying about the house. Will not keep them in a pocket or take them out of the house. Some also for other reasons need to put on some glasses and wear them all the time. Simply won't do it. I know a couple even purchased some proper glasses, but never wear them. I go out and they ask me to read a menu at a restaurant or read which booth for tickets at the theater and so on and so forth. I don't like glasses at all. I like even less not being able to see. No brainer to me.

So if people will go without being able to see, I don't know what you do if they cannot hear. Both are bad, but not seeing is so much worse in a practical sense. Both can be dangerous.

Good luck. (PS- I have an uncle and before he passed another uncle and was never successful getting either of them to wear their hearing aides.)

 

[DanielT]

Great tips everyone!

It's not that we need to shout, but rather raise our voices, but as I said, we are still annoyed.We will go back and forth and it will hopefully end with him going to a doctor, an audiologist, in the near future (I hope).

A thing that I came up with thanks to your ideas that I can play on his interest in technology. That in itself can actually be the reason why he gets his hearing checked. Then fiddling with some new technology in terms of hearing aids is completely up his alley, so to speak.

Unbelievable that he doesn't have more hearing loss considering all the cars, motorcycles he tinkered with and as an engineer with all the loud machinery he exposed his ears to during his working life. In addition, another time when protecting the ears was not as prioritized, paid attention to as it is nowadays.

 

[MaxwellsEq]

I sympathize. My mother was the same. Her hearing was poor for the last decade of her life, and I think she was well aware, but refused to do anything about it.

I've concluded it's generational. I'd happily wear hearing aids rather than miss out on conversations. But I think her generation saw it as a sign of decrepitude and so refuse to accept it as beneficial.

There are now emerging links between poor hearing and early onset dementia. I don't know if cause and effect has been established, but I suspect that poor hearing makes us withdraw from the benefits and challenges of dialogue.

 

[DanielT]

And then .... in this community, should you really complaining about stubborn old men

//BB

You are right about that. For example, I persist in a stubborn way plugging vintage amps into the other modern HiFi stuff that I have. Actually pointless (or maybe even negative), purely in terms of sound. Perhaps in terms of style, the looks look vintage maybe look nicer (a matter of taste) but it's not more than that.

 

[SIY]

You youngsters need to stop mumbling.

Hey, will somebody answer that damn phone already? The nonstop ringing is getting annoying.

 

[gene_stl]

Hearing aids don't really help many people with deteriorated hearing. Some folks they blast in their ears and are unpleasant to use. Others don't like taking them in and out.
And when they start feeding back and the user doesn't hear it but everyone else does it is more annoying than having to speak up a little.

My father had one and said it was great. But he used it a short handful of times. My uncle had two and he wore them almost all the time. I doubt they helped him much more than my dad, but he was sort of a believer in assistive devices and technology, whereas my dad had a more stoic attitude towards aging and falling apart.

 

[DanielT]

Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences.

I live quite far from my parents. I visit them maybe every two months.
My father's derogatory hearing isn't really something that worries me. He, they'll make it. They have not change anything in their everyday life. It is perhaps mostly psychology, on my part. Watch your parents get older. As far as I understand, they are happy with their existence. Maybe it's just my own concern of coming old I'm projecting onto this for them, so far, fairly minor problem. Getting old, nothing I really think about or worry about. Maybe unconsciously. What do I know, I'm not a psychologist.

My sister and I talked about this with old age and (they are not there yet) becoming a parent to one's parents. That day, that challenge, the sadness or whatever it may be. Maybe not sad, maybe just natural. The course of nature.

 

[LTig]

My mother in law finally got hearing aids some 5 years ago but too late for proper hearing. I visited her audiologist (who adjusts the hearing aids) and he told me that most people in need of hearing aids come 10 years too late. Too late means that the loss cannot be completely counteracted, I think because synapses in the brain got too few input from the hearing cells and disconnected themselves. Then with hearing aids those cells fire again but do not reach the brain so people hear talking but don't understand what's being said.

Hence it is very important to use hearing aids if you realize a loss and not wait until intelligebility is lost completely under normal conditions.

 

[DanielT]

My mother in law finally got hearing aids some 5 years ago but too late for proper hearing. I visited her audiologist (who adjusts the hearing aids) and he told me that most people in need of hearing aids come 10 years too late. Too late means that the loss cannot be completely counteracted, I think because synapses in the brain got too few input from the hearing cells and disconnected themselves. Then with hearing aids those cells fire again but do not reach the brain so people hear talking but don't understand what's being said.

Hence it is very important to use hearing aids if you realize a loss and not wait until intelligebility is lost completely under normal conditions.

Thanks LTig, then this comes in a different light. I suspect that my stubborn father will at least look into it knowing that it CAN be slowed down.
IF this is the case, a doctor must of course examine.

 

[Keith_W]

Thanks LTig, then this comes in a different light. I suspect that my stubborn father will at least look into it knowing that it CAN be slowed down.
IF this is the case, a doctor must of course examine.

I am a doctor although I am a specialist in another area. I have never heard of this but it does sound plausible. What you need is an audiologist and not a doctor. If the audiologist suspects he needs medical attention, for example if the pattern of hearing loss does not correlate with the typical pattern seen with old age, they will recommend you see a doctor.

 

[DanielT]

I am a doctor although I am a specialist in another area. I have never heard of this but it does sound plausible. What you need is an audiologist and not a doctor. If the audiologist suspects he needs medical attention, for example if the pattern of hearing loss does not correlate with the typical pattern seen with old age, they will recommend you see a doctor.

Thank you doctor. Of course I will follow your advice. Or rather, hopefully my father will.

 

[LTig]

I am a doctor although I am a specialist in another area. I have never heard of this but it does sound plausible. What you need is an audiologist and not a doctor. If the audiologist suspects he needs medical attention, for example if the pattern of hearing loss does not correlate with the typical pattern seen with old age, they will recommend you see a doctor.

Here in Germany the official way is to see a doctor first. If he diagnoses that you need hearing aids he signs a recipe which allows you to get hearing aids for (almost) free. Then you go to an audiologist where you get hearing aids. It's your decision whether you take the (almost free) models (they must be digital, so not old stuff) or "better" ones.

 

[AdamG]

Ever consider that Not Hearing what some are saying/talking may be seen as a Blessing! Just another angle to consider. If he gets a hearing aid he can’t continue to ignore someone or say he didn’t hear you telling him to do or not do a thing.

 

[LTig]

Ever consider that Not Hearing what some are saying/talking may be seen as a Blessing! Just another angle to consider. If he gets a hearing aid he can’t continue to ignore someone or say he didn’t hear you telling him to do or not do a thing.

There's a difference between hearing and listening ...

 

[droid2000]

Just refuse to raise your voice when you speak to him.

The best solution is sometimes the simplest