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Exactly! I was still putting my kids to sleep while the first reply appeared… so now I'm carefully spinning just a few records after...

That symptom sounds like you have an MM cartridge and your preamp is incorrectly set to MC.

Bingo! I must've flipped the switch on the Fosi at some point and didn't realize it, because the one time I did try switching it on...

After a long and careful (ie. obsessive) browsing of the forums, I ended up buying a Sony PS-X600 turntable off eBay. Inserted a VM502EB...