Two audiophiles walk into a bar... (finish the joke)

[Phorize]

And then leave with empty wallets, only to read a magazine article about a new, upgraded pub experience that only the true cognoscenti can appreciate. They go back to the pub and it carries on ad infinitum.

 

[yewneek]

One says, where's your ears? Darko replies,'Laquaciously onanistic JBL One never wears my ears. They're smoothly jizzulent and worthy of a rhodium plated tribute, on wooden blocks. Oh oh Ahh. Veni veni!'

 

[Multicore]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar... and when the Galileo part of Bohemian Rhapsody comes on complain that the L/R is swapped.

 

[Multicore]

One says, where's your ears? Darko replies,'Laquaciously onanistic JBL One never wears my ears. They're smoothly jizzulent and worthy of a rhodium plated tribute, on wooden blocks. Oh oh Ahh. Veni veni!'

Honestly, the best thing to come out of contemporary practice of the audiophile hobby is the literary innovations. I had been out of the market for a couple of decades when in 2018 I needed a new amp. So I started read. For a while I found it annoying. Now I find it curious and amusing.

 

[earik]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar. They both sit down and order a beer.

The first audiophile notices that the second has affixed some sort of patch to the outside of his glass. He raises a questioning eyebrow. "What's that thing on your glass?"

The second audiophile's eyes light up. "I've been enjoying beer for 50 years now, and I've never experienced anything like what I taste with this magical patch on the side of my glass. One sip with this on the side, and the veils between you and what the brewer intended will be lifted. It's almost a spiritual experience compared to drinking beer without. It's made of rare white squirrel fur, sprinkled over with diamond shavings. It was an absolute steal at only $10,000 given the impact on the taste. There's only a few people in the world who even know how to make them."

The first frowns. "That is scientifically impossible. There is no way that patch has any effect on the taste of your beer. You spent $10k on what amounts to half a koozie, and not even a good koozie at that."

The second audiophile nudges his glass towards the first. "Take a sip. Prove it to yourself. Your jaw will hit the floor after the comparison to what you are drinking."

The first holds up his hand and shakes his head. "It wouldn't prove anything. Even if I could taste a difference, I wouldn't be able to trust that the difference was real."

"What do you mean?"

"I've seen the patch on your glass already, which has biased my taste buds. Even if your beer tasted significantly better than mine, which I guarantee that it wouldn't, that sighted bias disqualifies my experience. Without a proper blind ABX test, any taste comparisons are meaningless."

"So you won't even take a sip?"

"I don't need to. It's all bullshit."

Both audiophiles glare at each other, having decided that the other is a complete idiot. They spend the rest of the evening arguing.

Neither one of them touches their beer.

 

[JohnnyAudio]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar. They both sit down and order a beer.

The first audiophile notices that the second has affixed some sort of patch to the outside of his glass. He raises a questioning eyebrow. "What's that thing on your glass?"

The second audiophile's eyes light up. "I've been enjoying beer for 50 years now, and I've never experienced anything like what I taste with this magical patch on the side of my glass. One sip with this on the side, and the veils between you and what the brewer intended will be lifted. It's almost a spiritual experience compared to drinking beer without. It's made of rare white squirrel fur, sprinkled over with diamond shavings. It was an absolute steal at only $10,000 given the impact on the taste. There's only a few people in the world who even know how to make them."

The first frowns. "That is scientifically impossible. There is no way that patch has any effect on the taste of your beer. You spent $10k on what amounts to half a koozie, and not even a good koozie at that."

The second audiophile nudges his glass towards the first. "Take a sip. Prove it to yourself. Your jaw will hit the floor after the comparison to what you are drinking."

The first holds up his hand and shakes his head. "It wouldn't prove anything. Even if I could taste a difference, I wouldn't be able to trust that the difference was real."

"What do you mean?"

"I've seen the patch on your glass already, which has biased my taste buds. Even if your beer tasted significantly better than mine, which I guarantee that it wouldn't, that sighted bias disqualifies my experience. Without a proper blind ABX test, any taste comparisons are meaningless."

"So you won't even take a sip?"

"I don't need to. It's all bullshit."

Both audiophiles glare at each other, having decided that the other is a complete idiot. They spend the rest of the evening arguing.

Neither one of them touches their beer.

Where can I get such a patch?

 

[kemmler3D]

Two Audiophiles walk into a bar. One of them asks the bartender if they can set up a cheap, noisy DAC temporarily to show their friend a song. The bartender agrees and they start listening to the noisy DAC for a minute.

400 miles away, Rob Watts cringes.

 

[earik]

Where can I get such a patch?

Check out the latest issue of Stereophile. You'll find ads next to ones for those gold-plated fire-hose-thick cables.

 

[JohnnyAudio]

Check out the latest issue of Stereophile. You'll find ads next to ones for those gold-plated fire-hose-thick cables.

Yes, that's where I got my golden pacifier.

 

[JohnnyAudio]

Two audiiophiles walk into a bar for tube swap night, there were a lot of girls there swapping tubes and talking topology. After a few drinks they discovered " tube swap night " was merely a bait for selling tube base adapters, which they did purchase a few from the pretty girls.

 

[babadono]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar... A1 says..."I want to get a buzz" A2 says, " I'll settle for a hum".

I'll settle for a hummer--Fixed it fer ya

 

[Hirez24]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar... and they walk right out because there are bose speakers in the ceiling.

 

[xray]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar and order 2 shots of the Snake Oil whisky. The bartender asks if they would like it in the regular shot glass or the Secret High-End shot glass.

The audiophiles have always drank their Snake Oil Whisky in a regular shot glass so they ask what makes the Secret High-End shot glass so special. The bartender says he promised the owner he would never tell anyone or he would be fired.

After some coaxing from the audiophiles the bartender agrees to reveal the secret but he would have to tell them in American sign language to circumvent his promise. The audiophiles were blown away to know the secret and promptly ordered the Snake Oil whisky in the Secret High-End shot glass.

The audiophiles declared the Snake Oil Whisky in the Secret Hi-End shot glass to be the best they've ever experienced even though the difference was inaudible.

 

[JohnnyAudio]

Me and my audiophile mate walk into a bar for a regular night of robbery. Every night we sell several copies of the original tape recording of DSOTM to unsuspecting blokes. My pal always tells me, audiophiles can get away with anything, he's right.

 

[Hayabusa]

I asked chatgpt:

Two audiophiles walk into a bar...
They sit at the bar, and one says, "I’ll have a Scotch, neat. No ice—I don’t want to mess with the signal path."

 

[JohnnyAudio]

Two audiiophiles walk into a bar not realizing it was snake oil night. Two gorgeous girls in mylar bikinis' are selling ridiculously expensive tweeters. Even without an audition the audiiophiles purchase the tweeters. The knockout chicks start flirting and explain that these tweeters will only work at their peak performance when used with the optional tin-foil hats. Dubiously the audiiophiles wince but the girls whisper sensuously in their ears... "transconductance is what we're after". The guys each purchase the tin-foil transconductance hats and promise to return for next weeks snake oil night.

 

[taner]

Two audiophiles walk into a bar... then they immediately start to bashing NE5532 in favour of 100x priced but 100x higher noise/THD solid state opamp.