The Sober Thread

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There is a beer thread, a wine thread, a spirits thread and now even a weed thread. So I figure, why not a sober thread.

After 25 years of drinking and 20 years of smoking, I decided to make a change and have been sober for the past 3 weeks.

I started reasonably, drinking only on weekends. Overtime the frequency and quantity increased to where it affected health, family and work.

My goal is to remain sober for 90 days and then reassess my relationship with alcohol and cannabis. It has been a little hard since a lot of my social life revolved around consumption but I am coping so far.

Hoping to hear other members’ experiences with past use and sobriety if they feel comfortable sharing.

Cheers (without beers LOL)

 

[Deleted member 93733]

It has been 2 years and 7 months since i last had a drink. I started drinking when i was around 16 years old, socially, and quit in my early 50’s. In the last 10 of those years i was drinking to excess at least 4-5 times per week. It was beginning to really impact my health and i was beginning to have some worrying side effects. It was impacting my concentration at work, affected relationships and i was aware how much it was costing financially. I used to wake up after a heavy night of drink and the first thought in my head was “why? Why have you gone and had a drink again?” The first year of sobriety was hard but it is so worth it. I have never been happier and more content. My mood is even and I don’t have dark moods like i used to. Home life is great now, and I talk openly with my partner about how much my drinking had affected her as well. She is so much happier and that in itself makes the effort to continue on this path worth while.

 

[JayGilb]

Good luck on your decision.

My last drink was August 4 1982, two days before my 18th birthday.

I spent my high school years in a whiskey bottle, living in a society that accepted an excessive drinking culture. Unfortunately Wisconsin still has this problem and I know many, many families where alcohol has destroyed them completely.

I finally stopped after an incident that opened my eyes. My older brother’s roommate came home hammered and put a 12 gauge shot to my brother’s head and started screaming that he was sleeping with his girlfriend. My brother was fortunately able to grab the gun and disarm him.

He called to tell my parents what had happened after which I drove to his apartment. I arrived and started to tell my brother what a drunk his roommate was and my brother turned to me and said “Yes and you’re going to turn into him if you don’t stop drinking.”

That decision saved my life. A lifetime of sobriety in Wisconsin can be challenging and always being the designated driver tiring, but am certain that I would not be alive if I had not stopped.

 

[wadude]

Finished with alcohol eighteen years ago. One of my best decisions ever.

 

[ob1]

Same here, I wish you good luck!

I am a homebrewer and am obsessed with craft beer. Brewing around 600 L/year (150 gal/year) and always having a few draught lines makes it challenging to keep consumption in check.

My girl is turning 12 today and I was asking her yesterday what did she want us to do to make it special, to which she asked me : "you think you could refrain from drinking for my birthday?" Sad but true.

Being sober is not in the plans for me, but keeping things more reasonable and not drinking every single day is.

I've always said to myself that when health issues would arise, I would need to change, but I now realize it affects other aspects of our life.

I am hoping I did not cross a line and that no one feels too uncomfortable, but if ever it can be helpful...
What is for sure is your contributions definitely are inspiring for me!

P.S. I did not drink yesterday and have no intentions to do on this special occasion, least I can do for her.

 

[Deleted member 93733]

Same here, I wish you good luck!

I am a homebrewer and am obsessed with craft beer. Brewing around 600 L/year (150 gal/year) and always having a few draught lines makes it challenging to keep consumption in check.

My girl is turning 12 today and I was asking her yesterday what did she want us to do to make it special, to which she asked me : "you think you could refrain from drinking for my birthday?" Sad but true.

Being sober is not in the plans for me, but keeping things more reasonable and not drinking every single day is.

I've always said to myself that when health issues would arise, I would need to change, but I now realize it affects other aspects of our life.

I am hoping I did not cross a line and that no one feels too uncomfortable, but if ever it can be helpful...
What is for sure is your contributions definitely are inspiring for me!

P.S. I did not drink yesterday and have no intentions to do on this special occasion, least I can do for her.

Some folk can enjoy a drink and be fine with that. For some (myself included), we can’t just enjoy one or two. I think if i were to have a glass of wine or a beer now, it would be so easy to slip back into full blown addiction. And yeah, special occasions were always triggers. Birthdays, Xmas, Easter, the dog going to the toilet, anything. Any excuse to pop a cork. Avoiding those triggers, finding coping strategies to get through those special occasions dry, are key to staying dry. Happy birthday to your girl!

 

[someguyontheinternet]

When I turned 30 I did a lot of reflection on my life so far. Having grown up in a relatively poor immigrant family with not much luxury in life (but thankfully almost always food on the table) I had always felt a kind of hunger in my life. During my uni days I spent a lot of time drinking from the stress of choosing a very challenging, but financially promising path. I would also often spent 10-12 hours studying and have a drink, because my brain was processing all the information making it difficult to sleep. The way the uni set up exam schedules also meant that there was basically no downtime between semesters. So in the little rest time me and my friends had we would often go out and spend our days drinking and partying enough to make up for it.
When I graduated and started to work, I finally had a more regulated schedule and way less stress. But the habit of alcohol stayed around and I also started eating a bunch, because for the first time in my life having more than enough food every day became a norm. Over the next five years I had accumulated a lot of additional weight from all the food and alcohol and my body was also starting to show clear signs of strain. So when my 30th year in life approached, I thought deeply about my life and my trajectory. I decided to clean up and spend the following years making better choices in nutrition, exercising more and reducing alcohol consumption bit by bit. Another big part was also letting go of the hunger I had lugged around with me for my entire life. It was the hunger that got me into a position where I could enjoy life, but it was time for the hunger to go and give way to peace and ambition for the sake of ambition. Now I am physically and mentally in very good shape.

I still have a drink occasionally, but always in a way that is enjoyable to me and not the way that gets me hammered the most in the shortest amount of time.

 

[aedagnino]

Talk about coincidences! Today marks 17 years since my last drink, after a decade and a half of problematic drinking. Last few years were the worst, with drinking behind my wife's back, screwing up educational and professional chances along the way. We were on the brink of calling it quits, but decided that getting well was the only thing that mattered. This meant giving up on my PhD, coming back home to our country of origin and getting the help I needed. It wasn't immediate, as I kept drinking a few months into our return here, but August 5 2009 was the last day. I also quit smoking a few months earlier. Two of the best decisions I've made in my life (marrying my wife was Number 1!). Now we have two great kids, doing reasonably well professionally and enjoy life without having to find it at the bottom of a glass.
The first year was the toughest, in terms of how the different celebrations through the year present their own challenges. My wife's family are quite heavy drinkers and they didn't understand much at first the decision ("not even beer?" the usual reply), but being open and adamant towards them (total honesty is a great strategy to live by with this) paved the way quite quickly. I do get bored around people who are tipsy or drunk, but not nervous anymore.
But also, the other thing is finding you have so much free time in your hands, as you get back all the time you spent thinking about booze, getting the booze, drinking it, and then recuperating and feeling awful about it. You just have to find ways to fill it in. Connection with other people is the safest way, though it may be the hardest as well. Finding new hobbies, going back to old ones, etc.
Rationally, when I think about it, I can plan in my head ways to manage drinking and enjoying it, but then I ask myself: is it worth it to go through all that and risk screwing it all up, just to share in with what other people are enjoying? I don't think so. Long term probably the safest option is just assuming booze is not part of your life. Having quit it and smoking, I know how easy is to fall for the trap of "oh, just one cigarette" or "one drink won't harm me" but they're two of the most addictive substances in the planet, and they quite quickly activate the neural paths they used to light up in the past.

 

[JayGilb]

Talk about coincidences! Today marks 17 years since my last drink, after a decade and a half of problematic drinking.

Congratulations !

 

[Redacted]

I'm not keen on the term "sober" to describe being "alcohol free", although I accept that "sober" is more used that way in the US - in the UK, it simply means "not drunk" but not "not drinking", unless you are or have been "a bit of an alky" (as we say).

I like a pint or a glass of wine, but I'm never "not sober" nor ever "drunk".

 

[Deleted member 93733]

I'm not keen on the term "sober" to describe being "alcohol free", although I accept that "sober" is more used that way in the US - in the UK, it simply means "not drunk" but not "not drinking", unless you are or have been "a bit of an alky" (as we say).

I like a pint or a glass of wine, but I'm never "not sober" nor ever "drunk".

I’m not keen on the term “bit of an alky”. It is considered a derogatory term.

 

[Redacted]

I’m not keen on the term “bit of an alky”. It is considered a derogatory term.

Common parlance in the UK - often used here with levity, rarely derogatory.
Besides, I just don't care about "derogatory" - I'm not a wokey-dokey snowflake, and I say it as it is!

 

[Deleted member 93733]

I’m English living in Scotland and i can assure you, if i walked into a local bar and said to someone “you’re a bit of an alky” would probably result in me leaving said bar minus my teeth. So I will stick with my original viewpoint… it’s considered a derogatory term here in the UK.

 

[Redacted]

A direct accusation to a stranger is one thing....
A box of tissues are in the post!

 

[gzost]

24 years no alcohol. It was only the third time almost dying from alcohol/while drunk (that I know of!) that got me to quit. Glad I did, and I don't miss alcohol at all.

Currently taking a long break (>6 months) from Cannabis use to evaluate my relationship with that clearly. This has been problematic at times, though never even remotely as destructive as my alcohol use. I really enjoy being stoned, unlike being drunk, which was always just a means to an end, so there is an actual reward there. I have not really missed it though, so far, so no idea where I'm going to end up.

 

[Mike123]

Uh... I've never drunk or smoked. Why should I?

 

[wadude]

It’s a personal choice. Don’t worry about it.

 

[SoonToBeRetired]

After many years of enjoying two very generous "Vodkas on the Rocks" almost every evening and every once in a while even more than that with friends, and often followed by wine with dinner, I've stopped for a variety of reasons. Now, I have (and I'm embarrassed to say) white wine "spritzers" every other day and sometimes red wine with dinner, perhaps two glasses. It's rewarding to see my Garmin watch reporting much higher HRVs over night since i've slowed down the drinking. So, yes, I recommend it.

 

[gzost]

Nobody "should" consume mind-altering substances. It may be interesting and/or useful, but one should always be aware of the certain and potential consequences. That ranges from caffeine (low reward, extremely low risk) to heroin or crack (extremely high reward for most people, insanely high risk, which is why I never tried either).

 

[Soandso]

My father and mother kept liquor in the house for holiday guests and drinking toasts only although my grandfather would have one shot of something of what was deemed a constitutional health drink.

When a 16 year old teenager in the USA I got a specific government form at the post office countertop for filling out and mailing in as a foreign person's notification. I got a typewriter with black and red ink tape to fill that in with made up data about my date of birth and carried it around as false identification to buy beer. After dark I'd go bundled up in extra layers of clothing to hide my tall skinny frame wearing thick plastic frame eyeglasses into certain small liquor stores to buy beer. And disguised all bulked up go into certain out of the way bars when few customers were there buy 2 take away beers which was in those days sold in a type of lined cardboard container for my social circle on weekends. In retrospect I don't believe my foreign registration card completely fooled most who sold me beer.

As my teenage friends got around to stealing their parents hard liquor I shared some of that. Sometime or other while 16 years old I drank more than could handle, kind of briefly passed out and ended up with a hangover. After that just drinking to the point of getting hungover was so unpleasant and on top of that how poorly felt when worked 8 hour shifts on Saturdays and Sundays I stopped drinking anything but a little beer in my teenage years. It's been over 55 years since then and in that time my type of alcohol consumption became similar to my parents of socially drinking a toast and at certain annual USA holiday family dinners one alcoholic drink; in some years I never had a drink.