I got my autism diagnosis when I was 50. After living without serious health issues for 48 years. I ended up in the hospital with heart problems in may 2017. Had an heart attack in august 2017, followed by a burn-out in 2018 and a depression shortly after that. The heart problems were caused by autisme. Without being aware of it I have put to much stress on my body my entire life. I had to retire from work shortly after the diagnosis. I know a lot of people now that have not been able to work at all or finish a study because of autism.
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Autism is just mild schizopherina not it own disorder
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Killingbeans
Major Contributor
All my life I've felt like I have just landed in a UFO. It's always nice to find out what planet you came from.
I also expect to gain a better understanding of the things that make my life unnecessarily stressful. The feeling of having a potential that can't be utilized is simply crushing. Anything that makes my strengths and weaknesses more apparent will be a godsend. I'm sick of blindfolded roller coaster rides.
Masking is when you observe neurotypical behaviours and simply copy them despite it being extremely stressful to you.
For instance forcing yourself to keep eye contact even though it's deeply unpleasant. Or engaging in small talk when it literally is about to make you throw up.
It's not something as simple as exercising self control. It's more like adopting a false persona. It can be very taxing on both your mental and physical health.
That's what I would call masking. It's a form of acting, and it takes a tremendous amount of energy.
I'm very good at reading other people's emotions and identifying their motivation. I'm a great mediator. But my understanding of human behaviour does not make those things feel any more natural to me. Monkey see, monkey do. That's all. Not really a helpful solution to anything.
I don't think so. The few time my parents tried to "help" me by putting me in new social environments, it didn't achieve anything but pissing me off or giving me a nervous breakdown.
If people feel the need to socialize, they'll find a way to do so, no matter where they are on the spectrum. It might not happen in the most typical way, but that's fine.
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That's profound and would apply to a lot of other diagnoses.
Waxx
Major Contributor
I'm an autist, a high intelligent, high sensitive and high functional autist to be more precise, and untill recently the doctors said that does not exist and i'm just acting up. So i'm fighting my whole life to find a way to live with it without going mad due to overstimulation and learned how to deal with it. That without real help from the medical world or any medication. I'm not very social and weird to many, but since i took it in my own hands and did not listen to the doctors anymore things go very well actually. I live a relative regular live, with a stable and relative well paying job, a relative normal social life and no real big problems. But my teenage years was very problematic altough.
So don't listen to much to them because they don't know what it is and are just guessing. They can determine the very expicit forms (Asperger, Kanner syndrome, ...), but not the many other forms in the wide spectrum of Austism. In Europe at least, they start to get it a bit, but are still far from what i know i think it is (at least in my case). What happens in the US is what in many cases make it worse i think, altough there is not one way to deal with it as there are many forms and variations.
But in general is that the brain of an autist works different, so the I/O of that brain (the communication) also. And that is not fully compatible with our society. For me it's mainly a sociologic problem, not a handicap.
So don't listen to much to them because they don't know what it is and are just guessing. They can determine the very expicit forms (Asperger, Kanner syndrome, ...), but not the many other forms in the wide spectrum of Austism. In Europe at least, they start to get it a bit, but are still far from what i know i think it is (at least in my case). What happens in the US is what in many cases make it worse i think, altough there is not one way to deal with it as there are many forms and variations.
But in general is that the brain of an autist works different, so the I/O of that brain (the communication) also. And that is not fully compatible with our society. For me it's mainly a sociologic problem, not a handicap.
Suffolkhifinut
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You do adopt a false persona without doubt, always in fear of not being accepted. Only after retirement have I become relaxed enough to be myself. On the point you made about developing a sense of how to interpret other peoples’ emotions, certainly helped me when I went into teaching and lecturing. Being autistic means you have to understand where people are coming from, so many beatings as a child makes you develop a six sense, heading trouble off before it develops into something serious.
Yeah, I can empathise with you there. Sometimes it feels a little like I'm in the Chinese Room:
Chinese room - Wikipedia
Killingbeans
Major Contributor
I actually didn't do much masking when I was very young. Somehow I managed to become best friends with the most popular kid in class, and I just sort of rode his slipstream.
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Heartfelt and brainfelt thanks to those that have shared their experiences and realities honestly here.
I hear you, we hear you. Instead of quoting inserts and answering my POV to them...
I believe this is a more efficient way.
I'm 55, live in California, my parents have passed on.
They were both smoking drinking professionals throughout my and my older siblings lives, and we were firmly middle class until the 90's when my father escalated to high middle class with his manufacturing and consulting. Thats just some framework and really bears little to the question of do's and don'ts for parents of 'special' children. That's society's name, special, I believe all children, all people are special.
There is no such thing as Autism or any other 'condition' without an MD diagnosis. It is a man made ballon with no factual basis, and the term 'spectrum' is for the convenience of the doctors, corporations.
So if a inherently flawed human doctor says you have some man-named condition, you have the diagnosis from a fellow man or woman who has the credentials to make the claim. Sounds like faith to me.
This qualified person says this and other opinions may say different.
When I was 6 in 1973 hyperactivity was a diagnosis, before OCD made a new umbrella for independent brains, and I was so diagnosed. Mom and dad took to the doctors opinion and I took the drug Ritual (tm) as prescribed by a physician.
I wont say the real name here.
No children of my own, so I can share this opinion- without the state declaration that I'm an unfit parent- do not give children any (psychotropic) pharmacy unless in an ER situation.
The more lies I told when I was young the more lies seem toxic today. Maybe thats just getting older and wiser.
I hear you, we hear you. Instead of quoting inserts and answering my POV to them...
I believe this is a more efficient way.
I'm 55, live in California, my parents have passed on.
They were both smoking drinking professionals throughout my and my older siblings lives, and we were firmly middle class until the 90's when my father escalated to high middle class with his manufacturing and consulting. Thats just some framework and really bears little to the question of do's and don'ts for parents of 'special' children. That's society's name, special, I believe all children, all people are special.
There is no such thing as Autism or any other 'condition' without an MD diagnosis. It is a man made ballon with no factual basis, and the term 'spectrum' is for the convenience of the doctors, corporations.
So if a inherently flawed human doctor says you have some man-named condition, you have the diagnosis from a fellow man or woman who has the credentials to make the claim. Sounds like faith to me.
This qualified person says this and other opinions may say different.
When I was 6 in 1973 hyperactivity was a diagnosis, before OCD made a new umbrella for independent brains, and I was so diagnosed. Mom and dad took to the doctors opinion and I took the drug Ritual (tm) as prescribed by a physician.
I wont say the real name here.
No children of my own, so I can share this opinion- without the state declaration that I'm an unfit parent- do not give children any (psychotropic) pharmacy unless in an ER situation.
The more lies I told when I was young the more lies seem toxic today. Maybe thats just getting older and wiser.
Hmm, if that was truly the case, wouldn't that make the diagnosis so broad as to be invalid?
To be clear, I have no doubt something exists that is called autism, but it is the putting together of very different people, the non-verbal, then Rain man types, alongside people who have some characteristics but are largely functional, that makes me question whether these are different things that are being put together under the umbrella of autism for the sake of convenience or for lack of an ability to properly explain them.
That is interesting, because so often you hear about autistic people having confusion around emotions and socialisation, but I've known just as many say they have an intense feeling related to such encounters, a hyper-awareness if you will. A strong ability to discern different emotions in others, which seems to run contrary to much of what is said about autistics.
Thanks for sharing. My son was diagnosed with ASD in 2020. I'm almost certainly on the spectrum as well and have been debating with myself about taking the tests for almost 2 years now.
Killingbeans
Major Contributor
No need to question that. "Autism" is an umbrella term used to encompass a myriad of variations. It's not really a clear diagnosis in itself.
That's because a few of the most noticeable/recognisable versions of autism gets all of the press, so to speak.
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JP
Major Contributor
My wife wants me to get tested. She says if I'm ASD she's fine with it, but if I'm not ASD then I'm just an asshole, and that she has a problem with.
As a kid, I was diagnosed with both ADHD and Asperger’s. As some of you likely know, the latter diagnosis does not exist anymore, as it was merged into the overarching ‘Autism Spectrum Disorder’ diagnosis. From what I understand, these conditions are frequently comorbid, which is a bit confusing as they were not supposed to both be diagnosed in the same person before the DSM-5.
In my case, I feel like when I was a kid, the autism symptoms were more prevalent. I didn’t really have friends or much interest in interacting with my peers. I also didn’t understand social cues, didn’t make eye contact, exhibited various types of tics, etc. I did get help through the school system, though I don’t know to what extent it helped or perhaps even hurt me. I have a much better understanding of social cues now, but I don’t know how much of it is “masking” and how much is genuine, if any. I am still not a very social person and certain interactions tire me quickly.
Throughout the last few years, my ADHD symptoms have become markedly more severe. I am very disorganized (both mentally and in physical spaces), I always have 500 things on my mind (and in my browser tabs) that I continuously cycle through, issues with impulsivity, relatively low motivation in general (sometimes even for things that interest me), etc. Just getting simple things done is often a challenge for me. Last year, I was also diagnosed with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, which I suspected I had for quite a long time. In my experience, ADHD and DSPD are not fun disorders to have, while my experience with Asperger’s/Autism has not been so negative.
In my case, I feel like when I was a kid, the autism symptoms were more prevalent. I didn’t really have friends or much interest in interacting with my peers. I also didn’t understand social cues, didn’t make eye contact, exhibited various types of tics, etc. I did get help through the school system, though I don’t know to what extent it helped or perhaps even hurt me. I have a much better understanding of social cues now, but I don’t know how much of it is “masking” and how much is genuine, if any. I am still not a very social person and certain interactions tire me quickly.
Throughout the last few years, my ADHD symptoms have become markedly more severe. I am very disorganized (both mentally and in physical spaces), I always have 500 things on my mind (and in my browser tabs) that I continuously cycle through, issues with impulsivity, relatively low motivation in general (sometimes even for things that interest me), etc. Just getting simple things done is often a challenge for me. Last year, I was also diagnosed with Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder, which I suspected I had for quite a long time. In my experience, ADHD and DSPD are not fun disorders to have, while my experience with Asperger’s/Autism has not been so negative.
JP
Major Contributor
Never could get to sleep before 2-4A, and could sleep through any alarm clock for hours. Some point in my later 30's it suddenly flipped - have a really had time staying up past 10 or so, and I always wake up around 5:30A. Don't know what it suddenly change. Perhaps getting away from the constant Seattle grey mornings helped.
Suffolkhifinut
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Same with me Paul shielded me from a lot of abuse, he was a great sportsman. Captain of the school sports teams, played for Liverpool and Lancashire schoolboys at Soccer and Cricket. To be fair most of the boys were OK just a few meant you had to watch your back.
Katji
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If that was in Croatia[/Y] or Denmark, I could tell you about far worse societies to find yourself in as a child growing up. I had plenty of experience of that, especially the 2 close friends who [via army conscription] were put in psychiatric wards and put on drugs and sexually molested.
Killingbeans
Major Contributor
True. My sheltered upbringing in Denmark might ironically have contributed to me flying under the radar with my condition for so long.
The problem with "masking" is it does not occur on the basis of knowledge or empathy with the other person, but as an imitation of acceptable behaviors with little understanding. What this means is you occupy the same spaces as others, and have normal interactions on the surface, but you are unable to derive the benefit from those interactions which is their purpose. This is very empty and unfulfilling and you don't reach the level of growth as others.
On the other hand you can "be yourself" with no regard for how other people perceive you or what motivates them to do what they do, and you will generally be found repellent except by those who pity; and pity is very poor nourishment for the personality. To most, "being themselves" would be meaningless without the understanding and camaraderie of others, as though they were reduced to a caricature of themselves in hollow exhibitionism. To them, the genuine connection with others is necessary to facilitate the truest version of themselves.
The central problem is the poor grasp of psychological reality as it relates to spontaneous personal interactions with others and with how we view the motivations and lives of others. This poor grasp of reality reduces the lives of others to pop-up cardboard cutouts which have no seeming depth. All those subtle interactions are reduced to meaningless "chatter" of very life-like machines. Many autistic people give the impression of refusing to believe this interpersonal reality exists because they simply cannot perceive it. This often motivates a deep-seated jaded cynicism and covert condescension of normal humans and their activities.
The autistic individual is confronted with a problem that would crumple anyone - to gain a working understanding of a complex system which they can only access from the outside, with poor chances of success without already having a natural aptitude. To say to hell with it all is easy, but to persist in solving a problem despite extreme difficulty and being unable to perceive the benefit of solving it to begin with makes motivation difficult to find. Most people when confronted with a problem of this kind simply pass over it and choose to live their lives without the all-encompassing complications (but in the case of an autistic person, at great personal cost to the richness and depth of their lives).
Thus the hardest possible thing for such a person to do is the thing they most need to do. More than anything else they need 2 things: courage, and a desire to know and understand others as they really are, while letting go of many bad experiences rather than giving in to a jaded, pejorative worldview. Usually we think of autistic people as being the ones misunderstood, but it must be seen when their problems stem from their own poor understanding of the lives and activities of others. The extreme misfortune they experience because of this is lamentable and lessens as society moves forward, but by overlooking the individual's necessary personal quest to solve a problem to which only they have the closest access, we rob them of the necessary encouragement.
I often remember this phrase:
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
On the other hand you can "be yourself" with no regard for how other people perceive you or what motivates them to do what they do, and you will generally be found repellent except by those who pity; and pity is very poor nourishment for the personality. To most, "being themselves" would be meaningless without the understanding and camaraderie of others, as though they were reduced to a caricature of themselves in hollow exhibitionism. To them, the genuine connection with others is necessary to facilitate the truest version of themselves.
The central problem is the poor grasp of psychological reality as it relates to spontaneous personal interactions with others and with how we view the motivations and lives of others. This poor grasp of reality reduces the lives of others to pop-up cardboard cutouts which have no seeming depth. All those subtle interactions are reduced to meaningless "chatter" of very life-like machines. Many autistic people give the impression of refusing to believe this interpersonal reality exists because they simply cannot perceive it. This often motivates a deep-seated jaded cynicism and covert condescension of normal humans and their activities.
The autistic individual is confronted with a problem that would crumple anyone - to gain a working understanding of a complex system which they can only access from the outside, with poor chances of success without already having a natural aptitude. To say to hell with it all is easy, but to persist in solving a problem despite extreme difficulty and being unable to perceive the benefit of solving it to begin with makes motivation difficult to find. Most people when confronted with a problem of this kind simply pass over it and choose to live their lives without the all-encompassing complications (but in the case of an autistic person, at great personal cost to the richness and depth of their lives).
Thus the hardest possible thing for such a person to do is the thing they most need to do. More than anything else they need 2 things: courage, and a desire to know and understand others as they really are, while letting go of many bad experiences rather than giving in to a jaded, pejorative worldview. Usually we think of autistic people as being the ones misunderstood, but it must be seen when their problems stem from their own poor understanding of the lives and activities of others. The extreme misfortune they experience because of this is lamentable and lessens as society moves forward, but by overlooking the individual's necessary personal quest to solve a problem to which only they have the closest access, we rob them of the necessary encouragement.
I often remember this phrase:
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu
Suffolkhifinut
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Thanks for the Lao Tzu quote. I met Ann 43 years ago her love gave me strength, when I learned to love her it gave me courage. We are both old now strength and courage grows ever day.