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Audiophoolery humour thread

CDMC

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They just never stop..

UL? CSA? Hmm.

View attachment 75414

They win the B.S. award. All this for $1272 or the DIY version for $700:

Bombshell: Why loudspeaker salesmen will soon hate LessLoss (a pending new product release from LessLoss Audio!)
LessLoss is soon going to disrupt one of the largest margin, complicated and bulky aspects of the audio business. We've come up with a way for you to connect a small, relatively inexpensive set of devices to your speaker terminals which will, for little money, open the doorway to a completely new horizon of performance. You will get results comparable, if not better, than upgrading your speaker's tweeter, or the caps, or the internal wiring. And you won't need to tinker with anything like that.

After successful production and delivery of all pre-ordered C-MARCFirewall 64X units, we have gained a lot of loyalty form customers all over the world. When LessLoss says of any new product, "It's time!" we really mean it. Never is a product released without first making absolutely sure it delivers the goods, and in a most obvious manner. You can read many user feedback entries on our website's board, but here are just a few examples:

-- "These are component level improvements."
-- "...music that I have been listening to in some cases for 20 years: ‘that’ was there for all those years and I only hear it today?"
-- "The most incredible soundstage and imaging I have ever heard, bass that no stand mounted monitor should be capable of."
-- "The musicality is outstanding ... a totally relaxed and satisfying listening experience."
-- "Nearly had me in tears such was the emotion in the female vocalist voice and that she sounded like she was in my living room!"
-- "Congratulations to you and your team, you have done it again."

Let's now work downstream from the power source.
We all know how getting that next speaker upgrade involves difficult decision-making, big financial outlay, complicated logistics, and often times even new amps in the process. Acoustic room-matching issues are often the bane of those involved. And if that weren't enough, there is the ordeal of matching visual decor... need I say more?

All of this trouble will soon be circumvented by a simple little gadget that opens the doorway to a new level of speaker performance, without having to upgrade your speakers or to mess with any of the internal crossover parts.

What you get by using this small device is:
  • Much better focus. Did somebody switch out the tweeter to a much more expensive model?
  • Much less "fog" in the soundstage. Did somebody replace the internal acoustic damping material?
  • Pure sonic colors to die for. Did somebody redesign the crossover for improved cross-driver impulse response?
  • Meticulous control of bass. Has the bass driver's moving mass been halved?
  • You save a lot of money. Did I just steal a new level of loudspeaker? Am I dreaming this or is it real?
Oh yes, it is real. And it is now available on pre-order basis. The Early Bird release is ever popular here at LessLoss, due mostly to the rock solid track record we have of never letting anybody down. No overpriced "audio jewelry" just for looks. No 'snatch the cash and disappearing' acts. Just rock-solid performance with every dollar going directly towards massively increased audio performance. The gear is always functional and aesthetically clean. After all, we're all in this for the sound, and that definitely comes first. Sound, and real-world accessibility.

What is the product compatibility, and how will it be structured?
The new Firewall for Loudspeakers will be made of four separate units. These will be placed between the speaker end of your speaker cables and the speaker terminals themselves. Each unit will have its own speaker terminal which accepts both banana and spade connectors from the speaker end of your existing loudspeaker cable. The terminal will be housed in a small transparent enclosure. From here, a short C-MARC™ loudspeaker cable umbilical, highly flexible, will extend to a termination of either banana or spade (you choose which for your application). This will connect directly to your loudspeaker's terminal. One complete set of this new Firewall for Loudspeakers will consist of four such separate units. One for Left positive, one for Left negative, one for Right positive, and one for Right negative. All will be marked clearly for easy installation.
 

StefaanE

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Sometimes I just feel like starting a hifi cable company just to see if I can sell some € 1k+ cables.
That's how L Ron Hubbard got started in religion :) .
 

RayDunzl

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I asked the salesman if it covers breakage, he said no but the wires wear out over time from the signal passing through them.

Yes!

Proof of that is in the last incandescent bulb you burned out!

(at least he didn't say the electrons wear out)
 

Colonel Bogey

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This might be fun. Or a tad sad. About a Fono Acustica 2k USD USB cable from Hi-Fi+:

"This is not a cable for those who like the idea of razor-sharp imaging, endless treble detail or crave that etched clean sound that often passes off for good digital sound. It’s far removed from those audiophile desires of endless detail and outstanding imaging. Instead, this is one for the music lovers; it doesn’t blunt the attack of the musical envelope of sounds, but it’s more about presenting the refinement of the sound and in the process placing the focus more on the sustain and release of a note."
 

Killingbeans

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Like the last 6 feet makes a difference....

Exactly. Hi-fi power cords is one of the most reality denying things I can think of. It's like replacing the last section of a sewer mains with a much lager pipe that's teflon coated on the inside, and expect crystal clear spring water to come out of it :facepalm:
 

CDMC

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Exactly. Hi-fi power cords is one of the most reality denying things I can think of. It's like replacing the last section of a sewer mains with a much lager pipe that's teflon coated on the inside, and expect crystal clear spring water to come out of it :facepalm:

I love this analogy.
 

dortreo

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Are your brilliant pebbles made from an Alien Crystal Formula?

Cover up the empty RCA holes in your audio system and prevent RFI from leaking into your music.
Noise Terminator has been one of our most popular tweaks. Over the years we have improved the original Alien Crystal Formula and now we have it available in “the end of all” H2U2 Crystal Formula which took 6 years to perfect. We have even improved on the aesthetics and durability of the Noise Terminator which really sets it apart from our older versions.


It was immediately obvious that there was a change, the harp at the beginning of the track had more space, and air round it, detail of the strings being plucked were much more obvious and within the soundscape of the track the harp was more 3 dimensional than it had been. The swirling keyboards also benefited from the same change as did Brendan Perry’s vocals.
Separation of the various elements within the track was improved with every aspect now clearer. The drum which beats like a heart in parts of the track was also so much more clear and defined as was the percussion elements towards the end. Another aspect that was better was the fade out where Brendan speaks. With the Noise Terminator in place his voice stood out more even as the track fades away to nothing.
 

NgtFlyer

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Are your brilliant pebbles made from an Alien Crystal Formula?

Cover up the empty RCA holes in your audio system and prevent RFI from leaking into your music.
Noise Terminator has been one of our most popular tweaks. Over the years we have improved the original Alien Crystal Formula and now we have it available in “the end of all” H2U2 Crystal Formula which took 6 years to perfect. We have even improved on the aesthetics and durability of the Noise Terminator which really sets it apart from our older versions.


It was immediately obvious that there was a change, the harp at the beginning of the track had more space, and air round it, detail of the strings being plucked were much more obvious and within the soundscape of the track the harp was more 3 dimensional than it had been. The swirling keyboards also benefited from the same change as did Brendan Perry’s vocals.
Separation of the various elements within the track was improved with every aspect now clearer. The drum which beats like a heart in parts of the track was also so much more clear and defined as was the percussion elements towards the end. Another aspect that was better was the fade out where Brendan speaks. With the Noise Terminator in place his voice stood out more even as the track fades away to nothing.

Man, that's some classic audio word salad right there!
 
D

Deleted member 16502

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These open amps, don't they pose a security hazard?
 

Robert394

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If you want "better focused electrons" (Yes really!) in your power supply, look no further than this bargain product: $2,699.00

"Through having a more precise concentration of electrons the audio signal becomes clearer and cleaner. "
https://www.thecableco.com/mc-1-professional-helix-power-conditioner.html

Now if someone can explain to me what a "more precise" concentration of electrons means I'll be really impressed. Since precise means accurate, I wonder what a more accurate concentration of electrons in a power supply really looks like.
 

mhardy6647

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If you want "better focused electrons" (Yes really!) in your power supply, look no further than this bargain product: $2,699.00

"Through having a more precise concentration of electrons the audio signal becomes clearer and cleaner. "
https://www.thecableco.com/mc-1-professional-helix-power-conditioner.html

Now if someone can explain to me what a "more precise" concentration of electrons means I'll be really impressed. Since precise means accurate, I wonder what a more accurate concentration of electrons in a power supply really looks like.
Well, I mean, electrons can behave as waves, and they can certainly be focused -- else we wouldn't have had electron microscopes, or CRT televisions, for that matter. ;)
 

Robert394

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Now if you can plausibly explain how plugging a widget into one power outlet will "focus" electrons flowing into another outlet in such a way that it improves your audio quality to a level worth $2,700, I will be impressed.
 

mhardy6647

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My old CRT scope even has a focus knob.
there you go!
:cool:

I remember years ago hearing a comic on TV (I think it might've been "Gallagher") deliver the following bon mot (more or less).
I wish they had a knob on my TV that would let you turn the intelligence level up. I tried the one labeled brightness, but it didn't help...

:rolleyes:

Now if you can plausibly explain how plugging a widget into one power outlet will "focus" electrons flowing into another outlet in such a way that it improves your audio quality to a level worth $2,700, I will be impressed.

Sounds like quantum entanglement to me!
:rolleyes:
 
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mansr

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I remember years ago hearing a comic on TV (I think it might've been "Gallagher") deliver the following bon mot (more or less).
I wish they had a knob on my TV that would let you turn the intelligence level up. I tried the one labeled brightness, but it didn't help...
Lately I suspect someone's been messing with the contrast knob.
 
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