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A new low in audio snake oil

Hmm. Aye, the lucrative subscription business model is something yet to be fully exploited in the realm of the oily snake...

(Watch this space.)
 
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Geoff Kait (of Machina Dynamica infamy) has proffered some even more... umm... ephemeral... or perhaps ethereal things in the not too distant past. I cannot, unfortunately, find links at least at the moment. :(
He posted some truly odd (even for him) things at audioasylum a few months back... but they seem to have disappeared into the quark-gluon soup, as it were. :p

As an aside: I still, in the back of my mind, figure (i.e., hope) that Geoff is more of a performance artist than a con man... you know, one of hifi's Andy Kaufman characters. Kind of like Bob Carver. ;)
 
skankhobag said:
Check this out:
Nirvana Audio Chronos… it’s an “Optimizer for Audio Equipment”.
www.nirvana-audio.com

Chronos Optimizer for Audio Equipment | Nirvana Audio

Chronos Optimizer has the remarkable ability to fully unleash the inherent potential and performance of all audio equipment.
www.nirvana-audio.com www.nirvana-audio.com

You plug it in… or don’t plug it in. It doesn’t matter. Just having it in the room near your audio equipment, improves the sound. Seriously.

“…once Chronos is positioned in the same area as the audio equipment is positioned, Chronos exerts its influence on that audio equipment.”

And, even better…

“Chronos primarily has impact on electronic signals and acoustic wave vibrations, so it is not restricted by equipment, music type, etc. It actually integrates with audio systems in an extremely fast and direct way, collaborating and operating alongside each other.”

That last paragraph is as specific as it gets about what it actually does. Just take their word for it and you will love whatever it does as much as the knot heads who give them video testimonials.

Hey, if the fact that the Chinese are kicking the USA’s ass in fusion research, renewable energy, battery manufacturing, space exploration and just about every field of scientific endeavor is bringing you down, rest easy in the knowledge that they’re decades behind when it comes to marketing thoroughly useless, unnecessary, nonfunctional audio snake oil.

USA! USA! USA!
Click to expand...
There was a company, Modwright, I believe, that put mineral crystals in their chassis, new age style. I'me very analytical. I know many in advertising. Good brand advertising and the accompanying product advertising is humorous and creative, I find much of the product copywriting for consumer products very misleading and on the edge of fraudulent. It is very bad in unregulated health care products, beauty, and other segments. To China, one element of culture is chabuduo coupled with it is fine to lie to save face. I hope the US is not going that way as a culture. Snake oil audio is already there.
 

The mental gymnastics this guy goes through to explain that "you just hear it" and it's only "because of resonances" is astounding. At least the guy up front was smart enough to walk out, but even the older gentleman who thought $2500 was too expensive was willing to fork over $400.
 
I was reading about an experimental aircraft the other day*. The English Electric (eventually BAC) TSR2 apparently had some problems with resonances.
From Wiki-p**

1764001795471.png


Cosford moved their TSR 2 outside for the 2015 airshow. XR220 has never flown. The only flier was XR219 which the RAF sent to Foulness Island where it met a grim end. XR222 also survives at Duxford- another one that never flew. by Alfred Fartknocker, on Flickr

So... I mean... products like Chronos' are inevitable, aren't they?
Resonance.
It's a thing.
:cool:
_______________
* as one does... :rolleyes:
** https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BAC_TSR-2
 
If ripping off people with bad judgement was illegal we‘d lose entertaining threads like this one. Be careful what you wish for!
 
AaronJ said:

The mental gymnastics this guy goes through to explain that "you just hear it" and it's only "because of resonances" is astounding. At least the guy up front was smart enough to walk out, but even the older gentleman who thought $2500 was too expensive was willing to fork over $400.
Click to expand...
Well, he says it is measurable; it's 1 to 2 dB louder :oops: That's how you know the game is rigged.

Also funny: "400 would not reach the goal", meaning, if it would cost 400, it would never work as well, even though it's the same exact product.
 
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Draki said:
Any discounts for multiple licenses? Asking for a friend....
Click to expand...
Actually, the more subscriptions you buy, the higher the price is.

That’s not me, it’s because of the technology. It’s very complicated stuff that I can’t explain here.

But, the more you buy, the greater the improvement in the audio quality. Get 10 licenses for $1,000/mo. and your audio will be produced with absolutely no distortion and it will sound exactly like the artist is performing in your room.
 
this is hilarious. does it actually do anything at all or is it just an empty box? this reminds me of the crystal energy fad from the 80s, or faith healers who tell you to put your hands on the television to receive healing rays.
 
An ABX test was meticulously prepared!
1764003206945.png
 
skankhobag said:
Actually, the more subscriptions you buy, the higher the price is.

That’s not me, it’s because of the technology. It’s very complicated stuff that I can’t explain here.

But, the more you buy, the greater the improvement in the audio quality. Get 10 licenses for $1,000/mo. and your audio will be produced with absolutely no distortion and it will sound exactly like the artist is performing in your room.
Click to expand...
Is there a "performing in my patio" option? You know, at summer, listening outside ... One has to admire these scientific discoveries!
 
WTF. I would buy one now, if it could make me never hear "Last Christmas" by Wham again.

Edit : You'd sell a shitload at this time of year too.
For sure.
(Invest in Chronos now)
 
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