A new low in audio snake oil

[skankhobag]

Check this out:
Nirvana Audio Chronos… it’s an “Optimizer for Audio Equipment”.

Chronos Optimizer for Audio Equipment | Nirvana Audio

Chronos Optimizer has the remarkable ability to fully unleash the inherent potential and performance of all audio equipment.

www.nirvana-audio.com

You plug it in… or don’t plug it in. It doesn’t matter. Just having it in the room near your audio equipment, improves the sound. Seriously.

“…once Chronos is positioned in the same area as the audio equipment is positioned, Chronos exerts its influence on that audio equipment.”

And, even better…

“Chronos primarily has impact on electronic signals and acoustic wave vibrations, so it is not restricted by equipment, music type, etc. It actually integrates with audio systems in an extremely fast and direct way, collaborating and operating alongside each other.”

That last paragraph is as specific as it gets about what it actually does. Just take their word for it and you will love whatever it does as much as the knot heads who give them video testimonials.

Hey, if the fact that the Chinese are kicking the USA’s ass in fusion research, renewable energy, battery manufacturing, space exploration and just about every field of scientific endeavor is bringing you down, rest easy in the knowledge that they’re decades behind when it comes to marketing thoroughly useless, unnecessary, nonfunctional audio snake oil.

USA! USA! USA!

 

[SeleniumFalcon]

I'm waiting for the improved MKII version, where you don't even need to plug your sound system in for it to vastly improve the quality of your audio.

 

[Soniclife]

“…once Chronos is positioned in the same area as the audio equipment is positioned, Chronos exerts its influence on that audio equipment.”

Define area. We're all on the same planet, so we we are all already getting all the benefit this has to offer.

 

[Purité Audio]

I applaud their audacity, ‘a new low in snake oil’ not easy not easy at all.
Keith

 

[JayGilb]

They claim the same technology when applied to burning an audio file to a disc helps your system even if you're not playing the modified file.

 

[voodooless]

At least they admit that it's bullshit...

 

[VintageFlanker]

This is nothing but obscurantism and as such, it should be illegal. Period.

Also, the press actors mentioned should really be ashamed of promoting such rip-off.

 

[antcollinet]

oscurantiscm

I think you are missing a "b". I know because I had to look the word up, and couldn't find it. I would have had to look it up had the "b" been included also.

 

[eddantes]

 

[mhardy6647]

“Chronos primarily has impact on electronic signals and acoustic wave vibrations..."

Wow, talk about broad band! (or is it frequency-agile?)
No effect on DC, though? Seems like an opportunity for the Mk II product -- coming soon!

EDIT: whoops, my good friend & trusted colleague @SeleniumFalcon beat me to it (presaging the Mk II product, that is)!

 

[Chr1]

Presumably it aides the good musicality vibes in the locale in which it's placed...

 

[ErVikingo]

To paraphrase my late father, I'm sure a nice scotch can achieve better results.

 

[olieb]

You plug it in… or don’t plug it in. It doesn’t matter. Just having it in the room near your audio equipment, improves the sound. Seriously.

Now there is only one last step left to go to be the God of Snakeoil. You need to get here:
It exists or it doesn’t exist. That doesn’t matter. Just having paid for it, improves the sound. Seriously.
Edits in blue.

 

[VintageFlanker]

I think you are missing a "b". I know because I had to look the word up, and couldn't find it. I would have had to look it up had the "b" been included also.

Obviously meant "Obscurantism".

 

[mhardy6647]

Hey, if the fact that the Chinese are kicking the USA’s ass in fusion research, renewable energy, battery manufacturing, space exploration and just about every field of scientific endeavor is bringing you down, rest easy in the knowledge that they’re decades behind when it comes to marketing thoroughly useless, unnecessary, nonfunctional audio snake oil.

Well... you say that... but they are on the fast track to catch up!

FIIO Warmer R2R DAC (with tube buffer)

FIIO just released a new R2R DAC with an internal tube buffer and VU meters (they appear to be analog meters, but I’m not positive) called “Warmer”. The FIIO Warmer has been on the their official website less than 24 hours. https://www.fiio.com/newsinfo/1099293.html The price is just...

www.audiosciencereview.com

R2R DAC and a tube buffer, all in one attractive, affordable box!
Just imagine how much one of these would benefit from this Chronos product...

 

[mhardy6647]

I think you are missing a "b". I know because I had to look the word up, and couldn't find it. I would have had to look it up had the "b" been included also.

or perhaps au courantism... I mean, when a company's rewriting the books on high fidelity reproduction with a product such as the titular Optimizer, the language is gonna struggle to keep up...

 

[skankhobag]

Since reading about the Chronos Optimizer this morning, I developed a thoroughly new technology, Audio Infinity, that will improve the performance of all your audio equipment!

Simply, pay me the low, low price of $9.99 per month (service fees and taxes apply) and my proprietary technology will give you clearer treble, more powerful bass and midrange resolution beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.

It doesn’t matter whether you own an inexpensive MP3 player & $15 earbuds or a $100k audiophile system, Audio Infinity will make all of your listening dreams come true.

The best thing is that it happens immediately after your first payment. No waiting around for equipment to arrive.

Audio Infinity is your path to listening nirvana.

So send your $9.99 now to get the audio experience you’ve always dreamed of!

 

[SlowJim]

hilarious

 

[Chr1]

Chronos being the Greek god of time. Presumably this ensures phase coherency and eliminates jitter.

Perhaps they will make a "Demeter Optimiser" to help with gardening.

Or a Hephaestus Optimiser to help out in the garage.

Personally I want a Dionysus Optimiser to turn my cheap grog into fine wine. Say, a nice Château Mouton Rothschild.

 

[Draki]

Since reading about the Chronos Optimizer this morning, I developed a thoroughly new technology, Audio Infinity, that will improve the performance of all your audio equipment!

Simply, pay me the low, low price of $9.99 per month (service fees and taxes apply) and my proprietary technology will give you clearer treble, more powerful bass and midrange resolution beyond anything you’ve ever experienced.

It doesn’t matter whether you own an inexpensive MP3 player & $15 earbuds or a $100k audiophile system, Audio Infinity will make all of your listening dreams come true.

The best thing is that it happens immediately after your first payment. No waiting around for equipment to arrive.

Audio Infinity is your path to listening nirvana.

So send your $9.99 now to get the audio experience you’ve always dreamed of!

Any discounts for multiple licenses? Asking for a friend....