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A Call For Humor!
- Thread starter Tks
- Start date
More bathroom humor...
When your pets skype
crazycloud
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nobodynoz
Addicted to Fun and Learning
mhardy6647
Grand Contributor
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Credit where credit's due: My hifi buddy Paul posted this at hifihaven.
digicidal
Major Contributor
Yeah that triggered me more than the teeth as well actually...
crazycloud
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mhardy6647
Grand Contributor
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- Dec 12, 2019
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· I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest ***** she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."
· I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.
· I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
· When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
· As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
· The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
· I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
· You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera
· Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
· My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
· A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
· I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
· Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
· It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
· I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
· I don't think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
· There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
· My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
· Sorry I'm late but I wanted to make sure I missed most of it.
· Teacher: "Are you sleeping in my class?" Student: "Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could."
· If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get in my house?!" business.
· I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
· I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he’s a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe him.
· I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems – the first thing he did was make me pay in advance.
· When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
· As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
· The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
· I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants, but he's still making fun of me.
· You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera
· Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
· My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that...
· A dad is washing the car with his son. After a moment, the son asks his father, "Do you think we could use a sponge instead?"
· I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
· Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realising the other person was born an idiot.
· It's been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn't stop tomorrow, I'll have to let her in.
· I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
· I don't think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
· There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
· My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
· Sorry I'm late but I wanted to make sure I missed most of it.
· Teacher: "Are you sleeping in my class?" Student: "Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could."
· If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Not all this "how did you get in my house?!" business.
· I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
bloodshoteyed
Major Contributor
i've heard an extended version of this one...
- and when i gave her the real thing she said "no thanks, i don't smoke"
bloodshoteyed
Major Contributor
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