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A Call For Humor!

Boris Badinov

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38c3b1690e8861fdcf0e12237e9e6203e63376f084ba2540e9a200ff51054a65.jpg
 

mononoaware

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A few funny Scottish tweets I came across.

"Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in.
Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the doorbell, nodded to the cat and left.
It was only I rounded the corner I realized what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting F__K ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL."

"The population of Scotland is around 5.25mil and there are 600mil cats in the world so if every cat decided to invade Scotland each Scot would have to fight off around 114 cats each and I really don't think they could pull it off."

Arguing with Carly over how to cook steaks, I says "aye well ive watched plenty of videos on youtube". Her reply, "aye well youve watched hunners of porn tae n you canny do that right either.

Tweet: "I used to quite like Nutella until I saw the picture of it split up into its constinuent parts...”
58a356420849ec22008b4ff1

Responding comment: "If you did the same thing to your mum she wouldn't look great either."
 
Last edited:

Boris Badinov

Major Contributor
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The Humorist
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A few funny Scottish tweets I came across.

"Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in.
Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the doorbell, nodded to the cat and left.
It was only I rounded the corner I realized what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting F__K ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL."

"The population of Scotland is around 5.25mil and there are 600mil cats in the world so if every cat decided to invade Scotland each Scot would have to fight off around 114 cats each and I really don't think they could pull it off."

"Arguing with Carly over how to cook steaks, I says "aye well ive watched plenty of videos on youtube". Her reply, "aye well youve watched hunners of porn tae n you canny do that right either."

Tweet: "I used to quite like Nutella until I saw the picture of it split up into its constinuent parts...
58a356420849ec22008b4ff1

Responding comment: "If you did the same thing to your mum she wouldn't look great either."
"Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in.
Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the doorbell, nodded to the cat and left.
It was only I rounded the corner I realized what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting F__K ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL."

Loved this, I really laughed out loud!
 

digicidal

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um, I don't see any salsa for the chips. wth?
IKR? And where is the plate of bacon in that picture? Tools, cars, hifi gear... so much missing. :rolleyes:

iu


That's better... and if that Skyline makes at least 700whp by the time she's finished - I'll be man enough to provide the guns, chips (with salsa) and beer myself. ;)
 

digicidal

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iu
 

digicidal

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freepressjournal%2F2020-05%2Fe043a5e4-88e0-4102-bf77-2ddfcac4c508%2FWhatsApp_Image_2020_05_23_at_15_08_20.jpeg
I hope when they resurrect Friends yet again, they cast Iggy Pop instead... I would actually watch it.
 

digicidal

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iu


iu


 

Pegwill

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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.
They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her one word: comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull."
 
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