A Call For Humor!

[tengiz]

 

[tengiz]

Or the grinch

...who fathered the Ninja Peppers. And that is why hey are "mutant".

 

[001]

And now, as they say in the Monty Python classics, for something completely different. You like the game 'scrabble'..?
(from the site existentialcomics.com, it's comic 279)

 

[thewas]

 

[tengiz]

And now, as they say in the Monty Python classics, for something completely different.

Did somebody say different?

 

[KellenVancouver]

 

[001]

..ah yep, back to 'normal' (for me...)

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's self-raising, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly.

 

[mhardy6647]

What will stop him from stealing second?

I DON'T KNOW!
THIRD BASE!

 

[Jim Taylor]

^^^^^ For our younger members .....

 

[Bleib]

 

[jp4573]

Did somebody say different?

Reminds me that the Pink Panther ruined the Nineth for me.

 

[KellenVancouver]

 

[ryanosaur]

View attachment 473723

Ouch.

 

[KellenVancouver]

 

[rationaltime]

 

[Waxx]

 

[001]

An Irish doctor cant find a job in a hospital in America, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100."

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."
Irish: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 14 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."
Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."
Irish: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me my $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to try to recover his money.
Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I can’t remember anything."
Irish: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 14 and put 3 drops in his mouth."
Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."
Irish: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.
Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I cannot see at all."
Irish: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."
Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!”
Irish: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

 

[respice finem]

Pat.: Doctor, I can't help but be after women despite my 90 years age, it's a real problem...
Doc: You should be happy to be so fit at your age
Pat.: Maybe, but I've forgotten why I'm after them...

 

[001]

At a revival meeting the preacher is promoting faith healing. “If you believe, you will be healed. All it takes is faith. Believe God will cure you and He will make you whole. Is there anyone here who wants to be healed?”

A little old lady in the front row raises her hand and he calls her on stage. She makes her way slowly on her crutches. He asks her name and she says “Mrs Smith.” He asks whether she has faith and she replies “Yes”. The preacher says “Then go behind the curtain, Mrs Smith, and you will be healed.”

He asks again if anyone else wants healing. Bily Bloggs raises his hand and says “Neth.” He too is called onstage and asked his name/ It is obvious that he has a speech defect resulting from a cleft palate when he says “Nilly Noggs.” Again the preacher asks “Do you have faith?” and receives an answer from Billy Bloggs, “Neth.” “Then go behind the curtain and you too will be healed.”

“Mrs Smith, throw out your crutch.”

A crutch is thrown over the curtain.

“Mrs Smith, throw out your right crutch.”

As the congregation whoops and hollers, with many Hallelujahs, the other crutch came over the curtain.

“Now, Billy Bloggs, have faith, speak to me.”

From behind the curtain comes Billy Bloggs' voice, “Mithith Nith juth fallen on ner arth.”

 

[001]

I'll stop. I swear I will. For today anyhoo.
An old Jewish tailor who leads a very ordinary life. He is walking home one afternoon when he falls in love with a pair of patent leather shoes in a shop window. He rushes in, tries and buys the shoes and then wears them home. On the way, he calls out to passers-by: "Hey, mister, look at my new shoes. "Hey, lady, look at my new shoes."

He arrives home and greets his wife with a question: "What do you see what's different?" The wife looks him up and down: "What do I see what's different? The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly. What's different?"

The husband goes to the bathroom, undresses and returns to his wife. He is wearing only the new shoes.

"Now, what do you see what's different?" The wife responds: "What do I see what's different? "The same old balding head, the same old ugly face, the same old pot belly, the same old limp thing hanging down."

The husband chimes in: "What do you mean 'hanging down?'. It's pointing at my new shoes!"

The wife retorts: "Next time, buy a new hat!"