A Call For Humor!

[Hal_01]

Hmm, my washing machine has modes for cotton, synthetics, delicates, but it doesn't have a Depeche Mode. What should I choose?

Oh, add some Depeche Mode Softener on the Side or in the Dryer. Up to you. <chuckles>

 

[Multicore]

View attachment 472897

So close. If panel 3 were a skateboarder...

 

[Robin L]

 

[rationaltime]

 

[mhardy6647]

(seen on the Polk Audio forums)

 

[TheWalkman]

View attachment 472950

View attachment 472951

(seen on the Polk Audio forums)

Now that’s truly a stealth marketing campaign.

 

[thewas]

 

[Count Arthur]

Learn history and economics and blame the rich.

 

[Brian Hall]

 

[ryanosaur]

View attachment 473028

As a culinary professional, this just makes me giggle.

Wish I could try that in a bubble-top set to full!

 

[001]

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' asked the solicitor. Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy's answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da f#ck would you say?

 

[001]

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No…
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

[respice finem]

A rich farmer had three sons, one became a lawyer, one a doctor, and one a farmer like his father. After the father died, all came to hear the notary read his testament, which was very strange indeed: The heritage share should follow the percentage value of money, each of the heirs first put in his coffin. So, next day the lawyer and the doctor came, each with 100000 $ in cash, and the farmer without. The money landed in the coffin, only the farmer wasn't quite ready yet, writing something on a piece of paper, which he eventually put into the coffin too, but took out and kept the 200000 $. All asked what is this supposed to mean - he said "I thought a million is enough, so I put in a 1200000 $ check for my father into the coffin and just took out my change".

 

[rationaltime]

 

[Buckaroo Shanzai]

 

[whereisbrian]

 

[snakedctr]

 

[Robin L]

 

[Robin L]

 

[Bleib]