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A Call For Humor!

Stolen from another Forum
The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best in humor is in the misspelling....

1.. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2.. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3.. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4.. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5.. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6.. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the ####.

7.. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be king. Dying, he gasped out

“Tee hee, Brutus.”

8.. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9.. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen,” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted, “Hurrah!”

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Guttenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies and hysterectomies all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote “Donkey Hote.” The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote “Paradise Lost.” Then his wife died and he wrote “Paradise Regained.”

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14.. Abraham Lincoln became Americas greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by on of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

15.. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

16.. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17.. The nineteenth century was a time of great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the “Organ of the Species.” Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became the first of the Marx Brothers.
 
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*sighs
Makes me wanna curl up in a corner, hug myself while sucking my thumb and slowly rock myself back and forth while whimpering.
I wanna know where he got that cool lab coat with the red lapel accents!
I never had one of those... :(

EDIT: I did keep a pair of hemostats clipped to my lab coat lapel -- because... you know... I am a cool scientist. :cool:
 
I wanna know where he got that cool lab coat with the red lapel accents!
I never had one of those... :(

EDIT: I did keep a pair of hemostats clipped to my lab coat lapel -- because... you know... I am a cool scientist. :cool:
LoL... I used to be in manufacturing of heavy duty oil and gas wheeled and track driven equipment as a electrical assembler. I wore hemostats too, a Starrett high accuracy tiny 6" ruler with depth gauge built in and a some tiny side cutters for wire cutting as happened so often. The other workers thought I was too fancy and then they started carrying stuff like me too, buying hemostats like 16", 12" and 6" and they said it was very helpful... LoL. So much for too fancy! :D
 
At one time, hemostats were popularly used as roach clips.
I mean -- so I have heard.
:cool:
@mhardy6647. My oldest brother Richard whom was a avid pot smoker and whatever else he could get his hands on at a young age regularly supplied me with joints of cannabis to take to elementary school when I was in grade 3 so that I would smoke up my 2 friends Rhonda and Steve at the baseball diamond. He was a very bad influence. Bourbon, ale, pilsner, rum, whiskey and weed he gave me often. If I had my way I would smack him but we don't get along anyway now so it would be moot. He's a reborn and seemingly forgets all this stuff I detailed here. My shrink is of the opinion the cannabis he supplied at a very young age caused me some brain changes and is also in his opinion the sole cause of my mild schizophrenia that I have now is that cannabis at grade 3 that my brother supplied me with. So... I am well familiar with hemostats for roaches. :facepalm: :D I am also a proponent now for age restrictions on cannabis use and access for minors.
 
@mhardy6647. My oldest brother Richard whom was a avid pot smoker and whatever else he could get his hands on at a young age regularly supplied me with joints of cannabis to take to elementary school when I was in grade 3 so that I would smoke up my 2 friends Rhonda and Steve at the baseball diamond. He was a very bad influence. Bourbon, ale, pilsner, rum, whiskey and weed he gave me often. If I had my way I would smack him but we don't get along anyway now so it would be moot. He's a reborn and seemingly forgets all this stuff I detailed here. My shrink is of the opinion the cannabis he supplied at a very young age caused me some brain changes and is also in his opinion the sole cause of my mild schizophrenia that I have now is that cannabis at grade 3 that my brother supplied me with. So... I am well familiar with hemostats for roaches. :facepalm: :D I am also a proponent now for age restrictions on cannabis use and access for minors.
That's actually quite awful to read, @Doodski. I am very sorry.
Ironically, I live in the one state in the Northeast where cannabis products (THC-containing, that is) are not legal in some way -- although I am OK with that.
 
That's actually quite awful to read, @Doodski
I know but at the time I thought he was awesome. Very bad for a young lad to be smoking THC and drinking brain damaging booze too.
Ironically, I live in the one state in the Northeast where cannabis products (THC-containing, that is) are not legal in some way -- although I am OK with that.
IC. I am OK with adults recreating on THC but as I said strict age restrictions must be maintained.
 
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