Do the authors think recording engineers use a single set of stereo binaural mics, in a dummy head, placed in seats in a concert hall?
They don't, and stereo recordings (usually made using multi mics) themselves are an artifice, an artistic work unto themselves.
--- from The Real Frank Zappa Book - by Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso
Recording the LSO
Then it was time to record. I tried to forget what had happened the night before, put on my record producer helmet and set out to confute the laws of physics.
The French horns (eight of them) were one of the early problems. We put several Telefunken U-47s on them, but they were useless.
The problem was the percussion (six individual stations) all around in back of them -- we were getting tons of leakage. Even on a tight cardioid pattern, we picked up blobs of low-end
mung that was wandering around the floor -- so I said,
"Although I've never used a PZM [pressure zone microphone] on a French horn before, what have we got to lose?" We took the large 2½ and put it on the floor behind them and that did it.
We were using a KM-84, flown high over the timpani. We gave up on that and used a 4' X 4' Plexiglas sheet to increase
the boundary on one of the PZM plates, put it on the wall
behind the timpani and got a great sound.
We were using all the
Prescribed Mikes for various instruments but, given our acoustic situation in this nasty room, they just didn't work. For example, we tried two AKG 414s, flown above the conductor's podium, for ambience, but all they gave us was an ugly room sound that was like,
"Hey, you want to hear the air conditioner? Let's go. Here it is."
Recording musicians want their instruments to sound (at very least) GLORIOUS -- they've been recording for years and they're used to seeing those gray, heavy,
serious-looking microphones.
["Oooh fuck! Look at this! I'm going to sound BITCHEN in this!"] THEN somebody comes in and puts a plastic dome with a PZM in it over their heads and they go:
"MY TONE! MY PRECIOUS TONE! I'm going to sound PLASTIC!"
The orchestra already had a strange attitude because everything was different from the way they were used to working. They weren't in a concert hall -- they were on a dead and dusty soundstage. They didn't have the BIG GRAY MIKE -- they had the little plastic bubble over their heads (or they had part of a plastic box on the floor). They had LITTLE TINY WIRES, not BIG SERIOUS WIRES. They could trip over these things (especially since they were so fond of alcohol).