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For those of you that are around 50 YO and over - do you think about death?

EJ3

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My mothers best friend (they were a week apart in age & in baby carriages together in their born year of 1934) just passed away from a fall & brain hematoma. 87 years of being best friends. Baring such an accident or bizarre illness (like the current pandemic) it is likely that my mother lives quite a long time from now. But, at some point, we hit our expired date. That doesn't mean that we should dwell on it (that will likely cause it to happen sooner due to stress & inaction on the front of taking care of yourself.
 

TLEDDY

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How do you deal with this sad fact of life? How does it feel to be over 70, knowing you can go any day?

I will be 80 this week; feels about the same :) Will let you know if it changes at 90...
 

earlevel

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Dam, morbid bunch here, and I added to it. Don’t know if this will help, but I don’t worry about life spinning by too fast, and dying, any more…

I went off a sheer cliff sliding out on a wet curve on a 4-wheel ATV, in a rain forest in Costa Rica. I tried too hard to reel it in as the ATM lost traction on the edge, let it go, but too late, I was following it down. Large boulders 40 feet below—they were rounded by the receded river, like VW bugs sitting in mud, a few inches from each other. Any way out? nope. Dam, my kids will be sad when the news gets back. Any possibility of surviving, even if paralyzed and vegetative? Naw, going to smash like a melon, if it hurts, it won’t be for long. Acceptance, thinking about my family and life…bam! It was a virtual rock wall, but a little bump stuck out enough to catch my hip bone, separate a couple of ribs and remove a big swatch of skin as it knocked me away…enough to pause me in air for a split second…and I see a Tarzan vine in front of me, grabbed it. A friend is frantically calling my name from above—it’s too steep for him to see over the edge. Hard to breath from the rib injury, but I squeak out “I’m alright” to calm him, pull myself up hand over hand on the vine, which grew out of the top edge, my friend reached over and pulled me up.

June 2000. Twenty one extra years so far, to see my three grandchildren get born and grow. Every year a gift. I don’t worry about dying now, I live on bonus time. And if I’d been afraid of dying then, I wouldn’t have seen the incredibly lucky, and only possible, way out.

PS—And yes, time slows down, freaky how many things I thought about in what had to under a second. The math: It was about a forty foot drop to the rocks, which should take about 1.6 seconds till splat. I’d fallen 14-16 feet (edge now 8-10 feet overhead when I caught the vine). Just under a second, seemed like 2-3 minutes of thought time. A lot has been written about this phenomenon. A couple of months after the incident I came across a research paper that claimed our sensory input is normally buffered, but under extreme circumstances our brain bypasses that buffer. Not sure how much sense that makes, but to give you an idea of just a fraction of the thoughts I had: When I impacted the bump in the rock face, it paused me mid-air, or so it seemed. Then, I saw the vine, arms-length away. I thought—slow inner monologue—“There’s a vine <pause> I can reach it <pause> grab it”. Then I did. Takes about 7 seconds to say, at the speed I felt at the time. But it had to have been on the order of a tenth of a second, I didn’t drop noticeably during the time (if I’d truly come to a complete stop—unlikely—it’s 0.1s for a ~ 2 inch drop, 0.2s ~8 in, so it’s certianly that or less).
 

Enkay25

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Hi.

I know this might be a touchy subject, but in 6 weeks I will turn 49. Recently I just can't stop thinking about how little time I have left, even if I'll live to be 80.

Thirty years pass quickly. I remember 1990 as if it was yesterday. I wonder who do people who are older than me deal with the fact that life must stop at some point, which can happen very soon if you're over 60...

I even stopped adding more music to my 50k+ tracks library, because I know that I don't have much time left to listen to all my music collection and enjoy it more than once.

I've also became a health nut. I only eat low carb raw vegan food, which taste like cr@p. Luckily, I don't look anywhere near 49 (most people assume I'm 35ish). But still can't shake the thought that I'm on borrowed time.

To make things worse, I'm an agnostic atheist, so I'm unable to assure my self that I'll be going to a better place. The way I see it, when you die, you "feel" exactly the same as you felt in the 1800's...

sometimes I can't even fall asleep because I'm scared that I won't wake up in the morning (my doctor says that I have death anxiety and he proscribed me some Xanax, which I decided not to take after I read the possible side effects... :) )

How do you deal with this sad fact of life? How does it feel to be over 70, knowing you can go any day?
This dilemma - philosophically/spiritually ….or even religiosity wise has been a part of the big Q of humanity. We cannot accept that we can be just like that without a meaning.

And it will be years when humanity do gain that much knowledge from science of how we came about….how our brain developed and part of neural evolution, we have defence mechanisms. The rational mind will forever indulge in this loop…..the more the brain is tuned to higher cognition.

I am 48 years old. And this question was a big one for me in my growing years. I still remember the day when I could sleep with fear of the unknown - what will happen I die. But with years and my clinical experience …..and my interest in neuroscience (I am not in neurosurgery field but a surgeon) I have come to a conclusion over the years:

Death means just like sleeping. You don’t know when you slept. And if you don’t wake up, your consciousness will be as it is during the sleep. In a sense we experience life and death everyday (from the perspective of brain activity). The conscious mind will have a difficult time to grapple with this fundamental…..that’s the part of the defence mechanism (psychologically - self preservation)

So more important becomes HOW WE LIVE EVERYDAY - OR EVERY WAKING HOURS TO BE SPECIFIC. So enjoy life as it is , freckles included.

And it is off course no surprise that we would reflect more on this as we grow older - the genetic/evolutionary drive to Procreate becomes less as we grow older. Hence our brain has more time to reflect on such philosophy.:)
 

BolusOfDoom

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Death means just like sleeping

I think any old person afraid of death should just go get a colonoscopy under propofol, which they should after age 50 anyway. Propofol seems to turn your brain off. No consciousness, no awareness of a lack of consciousness, no awareness of the passage of time. The other “little death”.
 

beren777

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Some ramblings:

Consider that you believe yourself to be awake and aware in the present. If there is nothing but oblivion after death, it doesn't matter how fast or slow you get there. Once you're there, the self is gone and you'll have no more awareness of past life than you do when sedated for surgery.

How is it that you are awake and aware in this moment? Does it suggest there is something past biological death? Does it suggest we may not have the agency and self that we think we do?
 

Blumlein 88

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Here is one to ponder. I'd had some medications change. I started to sleepwalk. These are not psychotropic meds or at least not their purpose. Just wake up standing at the kitchen sink looking out the window and such. The worst before my doctor changed things again. I woke up one morning, and my glasses were NOT in the proper place. Or any place that I could find. I had the same experience as if someone had entered while I slept and hid them. I couldn't find them, had to dig out an old pair to make do for a couple days. I looked high and low for them. No where to be found.

So I just methodically started looking and emptying drawers etc. I find them in the back and bottom of a deep drawer. Folded up and neatly in a case. A drawer holding mostly packing materials and tape. Why? Who knows not me. Again as far as I was concerned no different than if a third party had snuck in and moved them. That will make you do a double-take on this "conscious I" kind of perspective.
 

MRC01

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...
How do you deal with this sad fact of life? How does it feel to be over 70, knowing you can go any day?
I don't know about 70, being in my 50s. But death is an important part of life, as it forces us to prioritize and get stuff done. It can be a positive motivator to get out and experience the things you want to do, explore whatever you are curious about, spend time with people we love, don't hold back, because we don't have much time. As we get older, I feel our responsibility is to ensure that those we care about and depend on us are taken care of, both now and when we're gone. That's an important duty. If we can do that, in addition to having our own experiences and fun creating great and meaningful memories, then we earn the satisfaction of a life well spent, which means no need to fear or dread the inevitable.
 

JJB70

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To anyone feeling depression I would advise trying switching off the news. I don't know about other countries but the UK news is saturated with providers peddling a gleeful miserableness model of news which is designed to feed people's fears.
 

atsmusic

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Hi.

I know this might be a touchy subject, but in 6 weeks I will turn 49. Recently I just can't stop thinking about how little time I have left, even if I'll live to be 80.

Thirty years pass quickly. I remember 1990 as if it was yesterday. I wonder who do people who are older than me deal with the fact that life must stop at some point, which can happen very soon if you're over 60...

I even stopped adding more music to my 50k+ tracks library, because I know that I don't have much time left to listen to all my music collection and enjoy it more than once.

I've also became a health nut. I only eat low carb raw vegan food, which taste like cr@p. Luckily, I don't look anywhere near 49 (most people assume I'm 35ish). But still can't shake the thought that I'm on borrowed time.

To make things worse, I'm an agnostic atheist, so I'm unable to assure my self that I'll be going to a better place. The way I see it, when you die, you "feel" exactly the same as you felt in the 1800's...

sometimes I can't even fall asleep because I'm scared that I won't wake up in the morning (my doctor says that I have death anxiety and he proscribed me some Xanax, which I decided not to take after I read the possible side effects... :) )

How do you deal with this sad fact of life? How does it feel to be over 70, knowing you can go any day?

What you are going through is pretty normal really when turning around that age. I actually see a therapist and talked to her about this same thing a while back. One thing that helped a little is writing down what I am grateful for each day. As you can see from this thread, most people deal with that subject with humor. It would be good to watch some comedies and lighten up a little. But for real, you are not really any different than anyone else. We all know it is coming and people deal with it in many different ways. I also think acceptance is key. We cannot fight it so we need to accept that we will not live forever. I would not call myself an atheist, but even the strongest of beliefs will always have some doubt now and then. I certainly hope there is a heaven but I don't know for sure. That was smart not to take that Xanax. That is just a temporary fix and you build a tolerance to it very quickly. I would say just try to lighten up a little, enjoy the time you have. Be grateful for what and who you have in your life. And most importantly find a way to come to peace with and accept that we only have a short time on this earth.
 

VidPro

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Sorry to resurrect an old post...HA!

Anyway, for some reason 40 really bugged me way more than I ever thought it would, 50 not so much for some reason until my dad passed away. I'm now 57 and went through a bout of thinking about death obsessively when my dad passed away the day after St. Patrick's day in 2015. I had those feelings of what is the purpose of enjoying anything and I'm gonna die so what's the point? I came close to seeing a professional. I thought what kind of life is it being so obsessed about an unavoidable fact of life? The feelings faded over time, luckily. I still think about it, but not the way I did before.

Someone in this thread mentioned that 30 years seems like a flash when you think back on your life, that's why I've decided to slow it down and at least try to enjoy the now. :)
 
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Timcognito

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My mom is 96. She lives, to paint, read the newspaper front to last page (lets me know which local team won or lost) and mostly she lives to complain about how ****** it is to get old with other old friends in the retirement complex. I really think shes having a ball. She says she doesn't care when she goes and I truly believe her.

Also in case you missed it. Thanks @Loathecliff Hey everybody try to laugh as much as possible.
 
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pablolie

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We take ourselves too seriously.

To live is the anomaly. To die is easy - *everybody* manages.

At 58, and having had close friends -some much younger than me- pioneering the transition, I am aware of my mortality. But let's be honest - it could have happened anytime, and yet here we are. So going forward, it's more of the same.

I also know that staying fit and healthy (which I religiously do) is not a guarantee for anything. I think a lot of peace of mind comes from confronting it with awareness and not leave a mess behind other have to figure out. My sisters know where my $ is, and if they want to touch any of it, one of them has to take care of my cat. :-D

I have ridden motorcycles my entire life, I do scuba dive, I do solo week-long nature trips in Yosemite... the door is always there, far more so than we care to accept.

I remember I asked my Dad (who was a German soldier in WW2, he did transition in 1993) how he kept his sanity in some of the bloodiest battles ever fought on the planet, with pretty much everybody around him getting killed (he made it through Kursk-Orel, Monte Cassino, the Normandy and the Bulge) and he said "We basically knew we were already dead, and had no other expectation." When he was told it was his time, he acted accordingly and true to his self. Looked me in the eye and said "I am glad I made it this far, and you made me proud at times, son. Take care of your sisters and your mom. Swear." I hope I lived up to his expectations, and we still regularly chat in my dreams. And I hope that is the way I transition, with him in my view, welcoming me to another chat. I'll be there, Dad. Keep one chilled for me, but I am in no effing hurry.

Being alive is a miracle, and everybody posting into this forum has a pretty privileged life compared to the many million unfortunate people out there. Let's live with joy, not fear.
 
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Pauper

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I’m well over 70 so yes, I think bout it all the time having a decade of family and friends now past. But, as the saying goes - we’re all in the gutter but some choose to look up at the stars….you’ll excuse me for not trawling through all 18 pages of this topic as I don’t think I have enough time.
 
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