OK, time for a real life toilet/poop story. Don't read if have recently eaten!
I am in China and the great guy that is managing that region is taking me around. It was summer and hot/humid as heck. Worse yet, I had to put on suit and tie for the morning meetings. We finish that and my guy who knows I love sushi tells me there is an all you can eat sushi place that costs only $15 or some such thing. We go there and I can't believe it is so cheap. Everything "looked" fine so I ate and ate and ate.
Next I tell him that I have never been to the Chinese markets where they sell stuff cheap. You know, "Rolex" watches for $10. He says the biggest market is around the corner and we go there. I buy a belt, wallet and a couple of Porsche watches for the kids.
And then something hits me that you never want to hit you when you are about an hour away from your comfortable, western hotel. Stomach cramps and the most dire feeling of "having to go." I resist it for a few minutes but I could no longer. So I put aside shame and I tell my guy I had to go and is there a public restroom. To my relief he says yes. He takes me to another part of the market and I see what looks like a dozen stalls. With a sigh of relief I approach them....
... just to see that they have no doors! Here I have to do (severe) #2 and there is no door. What's worse, I see nothing that resembles a toilet of any kind. This is what it looked like:
Except that again, there were no doors. All that was there was this square trough that went through each stall.
I debate it for a second and the body immediately told me: "go in or you will have soiled pants." I put all shame aside and walk in, suite, tie and all.
I look in the trough and there are piles of poop in clumps. Told you to not read if you have just eaten!
I find an empty space between them, drop my pants and sit down.
I start to do the business thinking this is not so bad until I look up. 2-3 Chinese men started to gather at the entrance staring at me! And not the friendly one but an ugly look as if to say, "how dare you come to our country to defecate!"
Again, body chemistry intervenes to say, doing your stuff is more important than worrying about these people so I just look away, holding my nose as best as I can to tolerate the horrible stench.
Remember again that it is hot and humid as hell. I am sweating all along.
Then the "nicest" thing happens. I feel this cool breeze coming over under me. For a moment, it teleported me to sitting by a river with cold water and breeze blowing by you. Ah, how nice it was to counter me sweating like a pig....
.... then it occurred to me. Exactly where would such a breeze come from and why was it that it was only underneath me???
Oh crap. It was water being unleashed in that trough to wash away all that poop! I sat up as fast as it was humanly possible to see my worst fears come true: a massive gush of water that was carrying more poop than you can possibly imagine in your lifetime went by!
I feel relieved that I missed all of that by a fraction of an inch near my reproductive organs. Only to look up and now see half a dozen Chinese men staring at me with my pants down, suite and tie and all....
Of course there is no toilet paper of any kind. Thankfully I reach in my pockets and find some kleenex to wipe some of that mess on my back side. Again, while be stared at.
I pull up my pants and come out to meet my guy and his assistant which by now were wondering what all had happened to me.
Now as if there is no justice in this world, just a few steps away from the toilets, I get another diarrhea attack and had to go back to the toilet again and repeat most of what happened above!!! Except this time I was out of kleenex to boot. Yes, those pair of underwater went into the trash and did not make it back to America.
So next time you are in China, do not eat any raw fish!
